SPOON, FULL OF TRUTH

A heavy dose of truth, humor, and political activism.

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Location: Phila, Pennsylvania, United States

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I'VE GOT IT BAD, I'M HOT FOR TEACHER

FROM THIS TEACHER, FORGET AN A, I'D LOVE AN F All charges were dropped against Debra Lafave yesterday, the 25 year old Tampa area teacher accused of having sex with a 14 year old student. I recently saw her racy photos in a 1999 edition of "Makes & Models," an exotic car magazine, and I only have one question: where the hell were teachers like this when I was fourteen? When I was fourteen I was getting less play than Kevin Federline's new CD. Even so, I still didn't have any teachers hot enough to even fantasize about having sex with. I certainly didn't have any who had recently shot magazine layouts atop a motercycle in nothing but their underwear, and I went to private school. Where was all that money going? Last I checked, ugliness is free (and in the case of some of my teachers, was handed out generously) and should be reserved for those receiving a free education. Even if I had been lucky enough to have a trashy looking model as my teacher, and had the balls to ask her to tutor me after school in Bumping Uglies 101, I'm pretty sure she would have said no. So what's with these lucky little 14 year old shits today? They just don't know how good they have it. The charges against Ms. Lafave were dropped when prosecutors and defense attorneys urged the judge to accept a deal for the sake of the boy involved. A psychiatrist who examined the teenager told the judge at a previous hearing that the boy suffered extreme anxiety from the media coverage of the case and does not want to testify. Hello? Are you kidding me? I remember when I was fourteen and got a little action for the first time. I couldn't wait to tell anyone within ear shot about it. If I had been nailing my 25 year old teacher, I would have given an interview to the school paper, the Today Show, and personally requested that Court TV be allowed to film the entire trial. What exactly is the stigma attached to a 14 year old boy who has sex with an older, decent looking woman? Is he going to get teased by his peers? "Ha ha, you had sex with Ms. Lafave! Loser! I'm holding out til high school for a girl our age who barely knows how to give a hand job. Sucks to be you!" I thought my sex-ed class was informative. If I had known that a decade later it would be an instructional class, I would have flunked the ninth grade ten years in a row. PULLING OUT: NOT JUST FOR BIRTH CONTROL ANYMORE If Monica Lewinsky had just swallowed, before Bill Clinton pulled out, the American public never would have had to witness the whole White House blow job scandal (as mapped out in detail on Monica's dress) or spent millions and millions of dollars investigating it. Luckily for our armed forces, Clinton liked to make love and not war, and no lives were lost. George Bush could learn a lot from Clinton's scandal. It's time Dubya swallowed (his pride) and pulled out (our troops from Iraq). President Bush said Tuesday that American forces will remain in Iraq for years and it will be up to a future president to decide when to bring them all home. And why shouldn't it be? Why should he make these tough decisions? He's only the Commander in Chief of our military. Maybe it's just an honorary title, like when the Queen of England knighted Elton John. The rocket-man could no better dawn a suit of armor, pick up a sword and shield and slay a dragon, than George Bush could make strategic military decisions. If George Bush has proved nothing else during his Presidency, it's that he is a master of getting into trouble, and about as effective as FEMA, when it comes to getting out of it. Man up George. Trust me, I like the fact that you are the American President far less than you do, but like it or not, you are. Clinton didn't know when to pull out and he stained a very nice little black dress. If you don't figure out soon, that it's time to pull out, you'll be soiling the lives of countless Americans, and the blood of our soldiers that have died, and will continue to die, will stain your hands forever. STUPID EBAY AUCTION OF THE MONTH Got some extra money lying around that you're just dying to part ways with? Tired of just burning those extra hundred dollar bills to stay warm? Here at Spoon, Full of Truth, I've located one of the dumbest Ebay auctions I have ever seen for those of you just looking to throw your hard earned money away. http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5676713133#ebayphotohosting If any of you are dumb (or rich) enough to bid on an item like this, please share the story with me at Spoonfulloftruth@aol.com. CATCH YOU ON THE FLIPSIDE That's all the truth that's fit to print today. Any more, and you readers might not be able to handle it. I find the truth is best digested one big Spoon, full of it, at a time. Please feel free to comment on any topics you may agree or disagree with. Comments only make my job easier, and that's really why we're all here, isn't it? Thanks for reading.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kudos to Spoonful for calling out "W".Apropos of your comments , the Des Moines (Iowa)Register this past Sunday called for a full U. S.withdrawal from Iraq. What makes this editorial more remarkable, is as recently as last July , the newspaper editorialized against such an action. Hopefully , more newspapers will demand that the President be held accountable for his disastrous policies.

I would be remiss if I did not salute you for comparing "W" with Elton John. I think the difference may be that Elton fulfills his honorary obligations to his public , whereas Bush has not done so for the American public.

March 22, 2006 3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

D. Jacob Miller, you are the shit dude! Someone forwarded me this blog a few weeks ago and I haven't stopped laughing since. Your take on politics is bar none.
Have you ever considered stand-up?

March 22, 2006 4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've lost one brother since the beginning of the Iraq mess and still have one over there fighting. You are absolutely right, all the deaths of our soldiers are on George Bush's hands. I'd take Clinton back in a minute! Make love, not war! Kudos.

March 22, 2006 4:29 PM  
Anonymous K.Pearlman said...

I believe the dress was blue. Or at least that's what I remember from the John Goodman aka Linda Tripp SNL Skit. Regardless of whether it was accurate, it sure was a great fucking skit. We need to get some multimedia action going...You should find a link for that shit and post it with your entry today.

March 22, 2006 8:48 PM  

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