THINGS THAT ARE MAKING ME MAD TODAY
NO REALLY, I AM MAD I'm not going to start with the first thing that made me mad today but rather the last. When writing a blog on this site I put in my little boldfaced headings (all in caps making it easier to pick out) and then when I try to hit the ENTER key to get a page break, it does nothing. So, I cannot properly put this into the format I want. Did I say properly? I probably meant easily. FUCK BEING DIFFICULT Everything these days is easier. You can get supermarkets to deliver your groceries (I am very picky about selecting fruit though so this just won't work for me. Besides I bet they give you the stuff that's set to expire first because they are dying to get rid of it), can rent movies through the mail, can date online, can shop online, but I can't get a fucking page break? I can tell you one thing that's not easier these days, at least not for me: getting older. I WILL KICK YOUR ASS That is exactly what my 18 year old self would say to my current day self if the two were to ever meet in a back-to-the-futuresque oddity. You know, when I was 18 I thought being 30 was the end of the world. Maybe the scariest part of being 27 is that I don't think 30 is that old anymore. I also know that the 18 year old me could beat the current day me in all sorts of contests. Drinking contest...GO! OK OK 18 year old me wins. Ummm...ability to not let the current state of the world get me down contest...GO! OK 18 year old me, you win that one too. Who can take the most bong hits contest...GO! Not so fast 18 year old me ;) YES I HAVE GLAUCOMA Did I say glaucoma? I meant Diabetes. I'm always getting those diseases that would benefit from legal use of marijuana mixed up. Glaucoma, Cancer, Anorexia, Diabetes (my own diabetes might influence this a little but what the hell, I like to lead by example) to name a few. Not to mention all the food we waste in this "great" nation of ours. I bet if you got enough stoners together, we could polish all that wasted food off in no time. EUROPE, YOU SLUT That's right, we said it Europe. You are a slut. That's exactly what a few ship full of prudes (er, puritans) said to their fellow countrymen a few hundred years ago as they set off to discover a new puritan paradise free of the evils of Europe like open drug use and uninhibited sex. I mean life is short, why waste it enjoying life's pleasures when we can spend it outlining for everyone else the behaviors that will cost them eternal damnation? When they happened to discover america (they discovered america like I discovered that snickers bars taste good) they kicked out all the natives (I mean people can't just walk around naked and live off the land, that's blasphemy) and began to lay the ground work for the "great" nation many of us now call home. THE UNITED STATES OF JESUS Look people, if you are easily offended by religious debunking, it's time for you to stop reading. For the rest of you, what's with the GOP becoming the jesus party? I disliked them enough before when they were just a party of stuffy, rich, assholes but this jesus thing is the kicker. I don't know if jesus existed or if the bible is just a fable meant to be taken as simple life lessons and not literally by some mad cowboys in the christian right. I do know this: if jesus did exist, he's probably pretty fucking pissed off at the things being carried out in his name. "I love jesus! let's tell everyone in Africa not to use condoms so they all get AIDS!" "No no, I love jesus! I'm gonna keep grown men in the church from marrying so little boys can get fucked in the ass by men they are supposed to trust." "Wait! I love jesus the most! he carried a message of love but certainly that wasn't meant for homos! What do homos possibly know about love?" JESUS FUCKING CHRIST The FCC (created to protect free speech) is trying to prohibit the use of the word FUCK on HBO now. Not only can they not say fuck on network tv, or cable tv, but now they wanna block it from premium tv too? How much do I have to pay to be allowed to hear someone say FUCK? Fuck! What all these morons forget is, and listen up so you don't miss this...Television and Radio both come with an off switch. That's right people, if they are going to say FUCK on TV and you don't wanna hear it, you're allowed to turn it off, but stop trying to keep it off of my fucking tv because I don't fucking care how many fucking time they wanna fucking say fuck. OK? 70% CHANCE OF SNOW 100% CHANCE OF BULLSHIT I think weather men (and weather women) should be treated like baseball umpires. If they make enough shitty calls, they should be fired. Three times this week my local news channels promised me significant snow fall. They even used a wonderful 5 point rating system to let me know how severe it would get in my neighborhood. This rating system was about as helpful as the terror alert rating system. It's yellow, oh now it's orange, oh yellow again, oooh orange...what's that red? green? blue? no? yellow? The fucking thing was between yellow and orange before 9/11 ever happened. We live in a world where everyone wants to kill each other (mostly in the name of jesus or some other vengeful god) and every countries "terror level" is at yellow or orange. Shut the fuck up about it. ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING That's it for today people. I feel better now that I vented. I hope reading this eased your day a little too. If you want me to keep these coming, let me know.