MISSISSKINNY?

WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO UNRULY OR OVERWEIGHT PATRONS
Proposed legislation in Mississippi would prohibit restaurants from serving obese customers. That’s right Fat Boy, you might as well pour ranch dressing on those dollar bills and eat ‘em right up because your money is no good here. It is not clear according to the proposed legislation where obese people are expected to eat. Maybe they will propose state-run health restaurants where only card carrying portly Mississippians are welcome? This outrageous bill has nutrition experts seeing red.
These experts say that the proposed bill, still in committee, is "ridiculous," "insane" and a wrong-headed approach to solving the national obesity epidemic.
State Rep. John Read, a Republican who is one of the bill's three authors, says he wasn't trying to offend anybody and never even expected the plan to become law.
"I was trying to shed a little light on the No. 1 problem in Mississippi," he says. About one-third of Americans are obese (30 or more pounds over a healthy weight), and 66% are overweight or obese. Even so, obesity experts are outraged by the bill.
Mississippi has the highest obesity rate in the USA. Would the bill only prohibit obese residents of Mississippi from dining in the state’s restaurants or would it give the boot to all hefty out of town diners as well?
According to Kelly Brownell, director of Yale University's Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity,
"This brings bias against obese individuals to a new and appalling level; and at a time when significant progress is being made in the effort to stop blaming obesity on the people who have it and to address the social and political conditions that drive it. Are these legislators fighting to get rid of soft drinks in schools? Are they working to stop the relentless marketing of unhealthy foods to children? Are they doing anything about the fact that poor people do not have access to healthy foods?"
What about civil rights? How would you even enforce these laws? Would hostesses be required to keep a scale at the front door to weigh any over-weight customers as they entered the store? They could set up two vertical pillars about two feet apart with a sign: “You must be this thin to dine here”.
Michael Jacobson, executive director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, says the bill sponsors "should be ashamed of themselves. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be for an overweight high school student to go to a restaurant with a few slimmer friends and not be allowed to buy certain foods?"
What’s next, an additional charge of $2 to any customer who doesn’t finish all of their vegetables or a strictly enforced policy of “No dessert until you finish your entire dinner”?
I think instead of wasting our time with hate-legislation maybe the House should pass a bill stating that idiots can’t run for elected positions.

HEARTBREAKERS DAY
This past Valentine’s Day was the first one I’ve spent as a single guy in about ten years. I was never a real fan of the “holiday” anyway but my significant other (whoever that was at the time) always enjoyed celebrating so I played along. It was nice to see them happy. I was always of the opinion that romance is spontaneous. What’s so romantic about bringing someone flowers when they are expecting them? Spending this past holiday alone got me to thinking, why should there just be a holiday to celebrate love? Why not an equal holiday on the other-side of the calendar (August 14th) as Heartbreaker’s Day? It would be great. It would be the perfect day to end that relationship that has been dragging on a little too long, or to call up your ex to tell them how happy you are without them. Have plans with your girlfriend? Not any more! Cancel at the last minute and go take in a baseball game with the boys. There might even be time to swing by the strip club on the way home. Ladies, sick of biting your tongue about the extra weight your man has put on? Stop dropping hints and call him out. Every Ying has to have its Yang and I think this would be the perfect compliment to a holiday that drives every single person insane.

DON’T COUNT YOUR PERFECT CHICKENS BEFORE THEY HATCH
The New York Giants may have won the Super Bowl and put an end to the Patriot’s run at perfection, but don’t tell that to the children of Nicaragua.
The NFL donated 290 Patriots hats and 290 team jerseys trumpeting the slogans “Super Bowl Champions, 19-0” to impoverished children from two small communities in southern Nicaragua.
The gifts (donated on February 15th) could not change history; the Patriots lost the Feb. 3 game to the New York Giants 17-14. They did however, made a lot of youngsters in the communities of San Gregorio and Buena Vista very happy, said Miriam Diaz, spokeswoman for the humanitarian organization World Vision, which arranged the donation with the NFL.
“They (Patriots) lost, but the children won,” Diaz said.
The only “football” most of the children in Nicaragua know is soccer, but they were very enthusiastic about the U.S. version of the game once the rules were explained to them, she said.
“They were very happy to receive the hats and jerseys,” Diaz said. “They said they did not expect such a surprise.”
Neither did the Patriots.

WALMART ROLLS BACK CIVIL RIGHTS ALONG WITH LOW PRICES
Wal-Mart Stores Inc. has apologized to a Muslim woman who said she was mocked because of her face veil.
"Please don't stick me up," a cashier told the shopper on Feb. 2, according to The Council on American-Islamic Relations.
Wal-Mart apologized last Monday in a letter signed by Rolando Rodriquez, a vice president and regional general manager. It was released last Tuesday by the council's Nevada chapter.
"I can assure you that the associate in question was disciplined in accordance with our employment policies as a result of the situation," Rodriguez said without disclosing details.
Rodriguez said employees at the Riverdale store would undergo "sensitivity training," specifically in the Islamic faith and Muslim culture. Specifically in Islamic faith and Muslim culture? Sure, forget the rest of us. I guess Wal-Mart has already taken other steps to avoid conflicts between customers and employees. It probably goes something like this: “We’ve rolled back our prices so much that Jews don’t even attempt to get a better deal. In addition our clothing line is so unfashionable that no self-respecting homosexual would dare focus his queer-eye here. Blacks and Hispanics make up a large part of the Wal-Mart family…just go check out the stock room if you need any more proof”.
Personally I am shocked. With Wal-Mart’s strict hiring practices I’m amazed that a cashier even took the time to look up from bitching to her co-worker at the next register to even notice how a customer was dressed.

HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM
The Rocket seems to be functioning properly but there is a question of whether or not an additive was incorporated into the fuel supply. More importantly…who cares? How much more of our time and tax-payer money is going to be wasted investigating Roger Clemens? Maybe he cheated, maybe he didn’t; does it really matter? Will the starving children be fed when we get to the bottom of this mystery? Will it create new jobs or a better education system? Will it bring our troops home safely? I didn’t think so. It is now alleged that pictures have appeared of Clemens at a 1998 party at the home of Jose Canseco; a party that Clemens, under oath, denied attending. He may have been there and lied about it, and he might not have been there. It’s also possible that he was there and forgot about it. I can’t tell you every party I attended ten years ago. Why are people so concerned with this issue? I understand why Congress is; anything to take attention away from REAL issues, but why does the public care (especially when it’s our tax dollars going to fund this circus)? If Congress wants to go after someone or something, go after Bud Selig and MLB for allowing this to happen for so many years and then trying their best to cover it up. Personally, if I was given a choice about where our tax dollars go, investigations into alleged steroid use in sports wouldn’t make the top 500. Sports are supposed to entertain us. I don’t feel cheated by the player’s steroid or HGH use, I feel cheated out of my tax dollars and my public services.

LET’S END ON A HIGH NOTE
I’d just like to take a quick minute to urge everyone to vote for Barack Obama. I truly believe he is the best choice for Americans and for our relations with the rest of the world. I would also like to wish a happy upcoming birthday to my dad Stephen who is a wonderful man and father. I love you dad. Check back soon, to get more truth, straight from the Spoon!