AND THE OSCAR GOES TO...My local video store has a section titled: Employee Picks. In this section you can find a few movies selected by each of the store employees as their picks of the week. Is this really a good way to select a movie? Just because someone is authorized to use a cash register and check my movies in and out, doesn't qualify them to select a movie I'm sure to enjoy. I would feel no more secure letting an employee of my video store select my viewing entertainment for a given evening then I would strolling into my favorite restaurant and asking my waiter to just pick the entree he likes the most and surprise me. Fuck that noise. You wanna suggest I buy rentals in bulk, thus saving myself .40 cents every time I rent a movie, you go right ahead. As long as I'm paying though, you can leave the movie selection to me. ALL RISE FOR MORE BULLSHIT As I mentioned in a previous blog, I had been fined $105, and had my intelligence insulted by a member of the Glenside, PA police force and decided to fight the ticket. In order to request a hearing to fight the ticket, you must first pay the ticket in full. How is that fair? Doesn't that give them all the power? "Well Mr. Miller, you're right, we shouldn't have given you that ticket. But...since we already have your money, why don't you go fuck yourself?" Being too stubborn to pay the myself, my wife kindly took it upon herself to send in a check and to request a hearing for me. My day in court finally came. I dressed nicely and showed up at the court house early, complete with my own lawyer. Shortly after arriving, I was told that the cop who had written the ticket had a family emergency and would not be able to attend the hearing that day. Another cop, told me that if I wanted, the township would drop the points that running a red light adds to your license, and just keep the fine. I didn't want points on my license. I also didn't want Glenside to have one penny of my money for issuing phony tickets. The cop on duty informed me that he knew the officer who had written the ticket and he would never issue a ticket for running a red-light if the person hadn't actually done it. Obviously Glenside teaches the jedi mind trick in their police training video. This was insulting. Could you imagine if defendants could try this tactic in court? "I know the defendant your honor and he never would have murdered all those people if they didn't deserve it!" I was told that I could reschedule the hearing. Not knowing the full extent of the law myself, it certainly came in handy to have a lawyer (or in my case several lawyers) in the family, one of whom was with me at that moment. He kindly told the clerk that we wanted to speak to the judge then and there and have the case thrown out for lack of prosecution (because the cop who issued the ticket didn't show up). The clerk looked very offended but we were able to speak to the judge, who promptly threw the ticket out, and refunded 100% of my money. Mmmm being right sure does taste good. SPY VS. SPY Just throwing this question to all you guys out there...how many of you have ever gotten a blow job? If you answered no, stop reading, you have more important issues to attend to. If you answered yes, you can probably sympathize with our last President, Mr. Bill Clinton. So the guy got his dick sucked. Who cares? We spent billions of dollars investigating the whole Lewinsky scandal. We tried to have the guy impeached. Why? Because the crazy white christians who are running this country couldn't stand to see a married man with his dick in a Jew's mouth. Talk about sin. Maybe Clinton should have taken the stance that our current President has been using. "Yeah I've been using the N.S.A. to illegally spy on Americans...and yes I'll continue to do so...anyone who doesn't like it, go fuck yourself" Maybe Clinton should have just said "Yeah I got my dick sucked. Have you seen my wife? She's not exactly a looker people. We have the biggest surplus in U.S. budget history, maybe the rest of you should be sucking my dick too!" That would have been good enough for me. I think we should have hired Monica has the official Secretary of Fellatio related affairs. Isn't the President supposed to represent the people anyway? Maybe all those guys in the red states need to go home tonight and tell their wives to get down on their knees and open wide. Maybe they are too busy fucking their livestock to stick their dick in a woman's mouth from time to time. Maybe if Dubya was getting a little head he'd calm the fuck down and stop blatantly violating all of our rights. How is it that we spent so much money investigating Clinton but when Bush boldly admits to breaking the law everyone just looks the other way? It was the same when he bailed on the military, when he snorted coke, when he was arrested for drunk driving in New England, when he helped 9/11 to happen, when he abandoned the citizens of New Orleans (although he sent plenty of help to the white folks in Texas), when he started an unjust war, when he wiped his ass with the separation of church and state, and most recently, when he illegally spied on U.S. citizens and then even tried to get the media (who has been nothing short of Bush's bitch over the last 6 years) to cover it up. Why has no one stood up and demanded we impeach Bush? Why is everyone taking this lying down? Is anyone as fucking mad as I am?? HOW DO YOU SPELL PUSSY IN EIGHT LETTERS? DEMOCRAT. The Democrats are a bunch of fucking pussies. Yes I am a registered democrat but it's only because I'd rather kill myself than vote Republican. It would be like if they made me label myself as either a person from New Jersey or from Texas. New Jersey sucks but I'd live there in a second over Texas. Back to the Democrats. So if there was ever an election where even those who were idiotic enough to vote for Bush twice aren't gung-ho about another G.O.P. President, the 2008 Presidential election is it. The Republicans have basically handed the election over to the Democrats. "Here you go you big fucking pussies, the election is yours on one condition: you have to find one Democrat in this country who has the balls to stand up to us." The Democrats have yet to find such a candidate. What's with these guys? Where is the passion? Where's the pulse? Al Gore could have beat Bush the first time but he didn't want Clinton's help. That guy got a blow job, he couldn't possibly help anyone get elected. Never mind the fact that he was insanely popular with African American voters, and in case you haven't noticed, there are a lot of them (whether they actually get out and vote is another issue). So Gore threw his chances right down the drain. That pussy couldn't even win his home state. John Kerry was a joke. I thought John Edwards seemed to have some life but no one has enough energy to bring Kerry to life. So here we are dead smack in the middle of Bush's 2nd term (and fuck you to anyone who voted for him either time, your ass should be over in Iraq fighting for "freedom" and "democracy" along with all your ugly Republican children instead of sitting here in the U.S. watching all the Nation's poor kids try to earn their college tuition while at the same time trying not to be blown to bits in the middle of the desert) and if ever there was a time for one of the Dems to stand up and be a leader, this is it. A lot of people are throwing Hillary Clinton's name around. I'm all for another Clinton. Sadly however the majority of the morons in this country (and yes I am speaking mostly about the southern states, the other red states) would sooner elect a cow-farmer to the Presidency than they would a woman (or god forbid a person of color or a Jew). So what do we do? I'd be happy to run for the Presidency myself but sadly these days you need a 100 million dollars to do so. You also need to be 35 years old. So to recap: We only have 2 legitimate political parties in this country (another blog topic altogether), one party is composed of wealthy, white, christians (and all the pro-military morons who vote for them) and the other is composed of pussies. What all the members of the pussy party (myself included) need to do is make our leader accountable. We have suffered long enough. We need someone who is going to stand up and fight for us, and we need to demand that it happen now. If the Democrats can't take the White House in 2008 they might as well disband. If the G.O.P. wins again this country is in for another long period of war, sickness, and poverty. I'll be leading the rush to Canada. STUPID FUCKING QUESTION OF THE DAY Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Don't you think we should just have one needle and use it over and over again? So what if it's diseased? So what if it's old and rusty and hurts a bit? It's not going to hurt for long. We need to stop spending money to keep these people on death row for 20 years on taxpayer money, feeding them a last meal of their choosing, and giving them sterile needles for their death injections. Lock them in a cell, feed them whatever the fuck is available and free (restaurants throw out tons of food everyday, make a fucking prison stew for them. They can either eat that or the alternative: nothing) and make them all share one needle. We can even pass the needle from state to state. Last time I checked, we weren't putting that many people to death on a regular basis anyway. If I want a bed to sleep on and something to eat, I have to pay for it. Why should my tax dollars go to feed some murderer? What's next? Using my tax money to fund a day at Disney World for pedophiles? I'm happy to take all of my old rotten food, stick it in a box, and mail it to the prisons so these criminals can eat. But I'd be much happier if my tax dollars went to feed other people who deserve it more, like say, the homeless. Let's stop being so nice to criminals, they aren't very nice to the rest of us. FEEDBACK MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND If you like what you read today (whether you agree with it or not) leave me some feedback and let me know. I was away for the holidays but am now back in full force. Check back soon for another SPOON FULL OF TRUTH.