SPOON, FULL OF TRUTH

A heavy dose of truth, humor, and political activism.

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Location: Phila, Pennsylvania, United States

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

WILL THIS ELECTION BE A TRICK OR A TREAT?

UPCOMING ELECTIONS ARE GIVING ME GAS
The price of gasoline has fallen to its lowest level of the year according to the federal Energy Information Administration. The cost of a gallon of gas has plummeted by more than 80 cents since the start of August. The previous 2006 low for gasoline was set in the first week of January, when pump prices averaged $2.238. Lower gas prices right before the elections leads me to believe that the GOP is looking for a way to show Americans that it’s okay to vote Republican. Go ahead, things aren’t really that bad. What’s next? Probably some Halloween-like scare tactics in which the terror alert level will be raised to pumpkin, excuse me, orange until after the November elections.
MORE NOW MEANS LESS LATER
Just yesterday Bush’s camp was discussing plans to hand over the mess in Iraq to the Iraqi government by 2008. Today they are talking about sending more troops. I guess it’s a true sign of global warming to see Dubya still using his flip-flops in late October. "We're winning and we will win, unless we leave before the job is done," he said. This month alone almost 100 American troops have been killed, the most in the past year. That sure sounds like a victory to me. Bush went on to say that as those fighting American and Iraqi forces change their strategies, the United States is also adjusting its military tactics.
"Americans have no intention of taking sides in a sectarian struggle or standing in the crossfire between rival factions," he said. Do we have a choice? Eventually, don’t we either have to take sides, or leave completely? Despite conceding the painful losses, Bush said victory was essential in Iraq as part of the broader war on terror. We destabilized Iraq. It was not the people that we continue to battle there. If we leave, we leave Iraq in the hands of multiple groups who would like nothing more than to have the country as a training ground for militant terrorist groups. If we stay in Iraq, we will lose hundreds (if not thousands) of American soldiers and hundreds of billions of dollars. So what to do? Bush and the GOP can sense that the American public is ready for a change. Just today Bush admitted, "I know many Americans are not satisfied with the situation there” (Iraq).
Send more troops now, and when the Democrats take over Capital Hill and then potentially the White House in 2008, hand power back to Iraq (who won’t be prepared to handle it). When the terrorist cells there are left unchecked and attack us again, the GOP will claim it is the fault of the Democrats in power. They are already setting it up. Bush today said of the Democrats, "I do not question their patriotism. I question whether or not they understand how dangerous the world is." I think we all understand one thing. The world is a much more dangerous place when we have unchecked cowboys like George W. Bush in power.
I VOTE FOR PAPER BALLOTS
Just because your vote might not be counted, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t vote. With one third of voters set to use new untested (at least on a National scale) voting machines this November, we’re in for a repeat of 2000 and 2004. Most voting machines are not guarded the night before elections, with poll workers allowed access to them. It was proven in recent tests that within a very short amount of time, an electronic voting machine could be manipulated to doctor results. Some votes could be erased, others could be counted numerous times. With little understanding of how these voting machines work, how can we have any faith in the election process? This process has already been marred by Al Gore winning the popular vote (but not the election) in 2000, and rampant, substantiated voter fraud in 2004 (especially in black communities). "We don't know about the security flaws, we don't know about the error rates," said the Rev. DeForest Soaries, former chairman of the Election Assistance Commission. The makers of the voting machines are not willing to reveal the workings of the machines. They claim that it’s an “trade secret”. I don’t think there should be any secrets when it comes to our (alleged) democratic process. I see no reason why we should switch to these new sketchy electronic machines if we (as voters) are not given a full explanation of how they work. And where is the accountability? Who is taking responsibility for insuring that every vote is properly counted and that these machines will not fail? Who will take responsibility when they do fail? No one. I still urge everyone to go to the poll and vote. Voting is one of the few freedoms we still have. Protect your vote. Question these new machines, question the makers of these devices, and why we are switching now. It may just be that the GOP is looking for a new way to fix the elections, having used up all of the tricks in their bag in the last six years.
HEY GEORGE, GOD’S CALLING, HE WANTS HIS COMPLEX BACK
New Jersey looks to become the second state in the Union to allow same sex marriage today. I hope the law-makers of the Garden State can find the wisdom to realize that love is nothing to be afraid of. For the first time ever, less than 50% of U.S. households are comprised of married couples. That’s right! Being married now puts you in the minority. Furthermore, well over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Exactly what sanctity are we protecting here, the right of less than half of men and women to get married, and then most likely divorced? God forbid that gays should have the same rights to unfulfilled dreams as the rest of us. The first same-sex divorce was recently filed for in Massachusetts. Is divorce only for heterosexuals too? We all know where our bumbling idiot of a president sides on this issue. If the word of god is so finite like Dubya claims it is (even in a country where there is supposed to be a separation of church and state) then I’d be interested to see where he falls on a few other issues addressed in the bible. The Spoon, Full of Truth presents: A letter to the President

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. Do you have any idea what the going rate is on able bodied slaves? My wife claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you please clarify this for me? I married a Canadian, why can’t I own a few?

2. With the soaring costs of a college education, I would like to sell my first daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7 in order to secure money to give some financial aid to any future children. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. I’ve tried asking my wife nicely to sleep in the street or to stay with other uncleanly female friends but she always takes offense. Where do you stash Laura and the girls when it’s that time of the month?

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. My ungodly neighbors claim that the odor is not pleasing to them. Is it cool if I just smite them?

5. I have a friend who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. very clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I get someone who doesn’t like him to do it?

6. Another friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I disagree. Could you please settle this for us? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? Would two gay guys eating shellfish together bring about the end of the world?

7. In Lev.21:20 it says that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I used to have perfect 20/20 vision but have to admit that I sometimes need glasses these days. Does this mean I should stay out of churches, synagogues, mosques, and places of worship until I can get corrective laser surgery?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. Have you considered passing laws forbidding hair salons? I guess the hippies had it right.

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My cousin has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and therefore enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Sincerely,
Seekers of Truth

TRICK OR TREAT It’s less than a week to Halloween and I’d like to know what the Spoon’s readers are planning to dress-up as this year. Please use the comments section and let me (and the rest of the readers out there) know how you plan to celebrate the holiday this year. Also please check out the reviews link (by the link for archives) for my review of the upcoming film "Death of a President". For a real treat, make sure to check back soon, to get some Truth, straight from the Spoon.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your letter to the President.Obviously he is in position to respond to your very thoughtful inquiries as he I believe has had some private conversations with G-D. I hope thst you will publish his response when you receive it. Until then I will hold off on ordering shrimp salad or preparing a burnt offering.

October 25, 2006 2:32 PM  
Blogger D. Jacob Miller said...

To be fair I cannot take full-responsibility for the letter to Bush. It was the Spoon take on a letter that already existed in a different form which is why it was "presented". None the less, I am very happy that you enjoyed it and my particular spin on it. Thanks!

October 25, 2006 2:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank goodness for blogs like yours Spoonfull. President Bush ,in the face of much criticism about the war in Iraq, has threatened not to use the phrase, "Stay the course".Without that catch phrase , I don't believe there is another policy.Hopefully, now voters will send a message to the President,the political equivalent of someone who's policy making falls below the Mendoza line,to come up with a realistic plan in Iraq and elsewhere in the world.

October 26, 2006 7:59 AM  
Blogger RBZ said...

Your list as almost as good as the Todd list...give or take a bean.

October 26, 2006 1:03 PM  

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