SPOON, FULL OF TRUTH

A heavy dose of truth, humor, and political activism.

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Location: Phila, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A LITTLE TASTE OF THE WORLD BUFFET

THE SPOON PRESENTS: A LITTLE TASTE OF THE WORLD
Instead of focusing on one or two things today, I’m going to give quick little updates on things going on around the world, and right here at home. Without further ado, here is the world, through the Spoon point of view.
THE DEVIL WEARS COWBOY BOOTS
Last Wednesday, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez called U.S. President George W. Bush "the devil" in a speech to the United Nations, making the sign of the cross in a dramatic gesture and accusing him of "talking as if he owned the world." Thank you Hugo (yes we’re on a first name basis now). It’s about time someone says what we’re all thinking. George Bush is the devil. He does think he owns the world. He’s been handed everything he desires since he was a child: an Ivy League education, a free-pass from the military, a professional baseball team, free-passes for cocaine use and drunk driving, and (drum roll please) the presidency of the United States. He watched his brother get a free pass for the savings and loan scandal. He watched his father start an unjust war with Iraq with no real consequences (for the Bush family) as well as lie to the American public. “Read my lips, no new taxes,” I guess we should have been reading Bush Senior’s lips instead of listening to what they were actually saying. The only thing Dubya ever needed to learn was the secret rich man’s handshake. He represents a group of very wealthy people and their interests. As long as those people are kept happy and their interests are preserved, Bush doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone else. If he doesn’t care about poor people here at home, imagine how little he cares about those around the world. Until more world leaders like Hugo Chavez are willing to stand up to Bush and his insanity, he will continue to act with total disregard for non-wealthy individuals and nations.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Bill Clinton takes home the best quote of the week award for saying that the biggest problem confronting the world today is "the illusion that our differences matter more than our common humanity." One day religion will kill us all.
THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMMM
I was watching an ad on TV for Jack-ass 2 and there was a scene where a guy was running down the street being chased by a gang of angry looking midgets. This got me to thinking what is proper etiquette when it comes to defending yourself against an under-sized foe? Being a non-violent person I would never start a physical confrontation with a midget (or anyone else for that matter) but would not hesitate to defend myself if attacked. So, if a gang of angry midgets was after me, would it be wrong to just make a fist and start bopping them all on the top of the head like a game of “whack-a-mole”?
FEDS DON’T LET FRIENDS DRINK AND FLY
We all know about the ban of liquids on airplanes due to the alleged foiled terror plot out of Britain. No liquids or gels in carry-on baggage. If you haven’t been on a plane since the new regulations took effect, there is something you might not know. You aren’t even allowed to bring liquids onto the plane that you buy in the airport after clearing security. When I flew to Canada on Labor Day, I checked my bags (I normally try to just do carry-on but now you have to check your bags to even bring toiletries), and proceeded to my gate. On the way to the gate I stopped at one of those magazine stores and picked up a few snacks and a few 20 oz. bottles of soda and water (at about $3 a bottle). When we got to the gate, they made an announcement that no liquids were allowed onto the plane including any items purchased within the airport. Of course they don’t tell you that you can’t bring the items onto the plane at the store; they are too busy overcharging you. I’m diabetic and I get dehydrated often. I’m not allowed to bring any drinks onto the plane, and the flight attendants often tell me that they can’t bring the drink cart out until the specified time. So what am I supposed to drink? Today it was announced that drinks purchased within the airport (after security) will most likely be allowed onto planes again. Who wants to bet that they now raise the price of a 20 oz. drink to about $5 and start charging an airport tax per sip.
IS IT FINALLY NEXT YEAR?
When it comes to Philadelphia sports teams, it’s always the same story; we’ll win the championship next year. Sadly, whenever “next year” rolls around, it’s no longer next year. We never seem to be able to win anything “this year”. Philly hasn’t won a major sports title in 23 years. This year, with six games to play, the Phillies are tied for the lead in the wild card. I sat at the Phillies last home game last night as they blew a two-run lead and lost the game. It took about five years off of my life. I’m 28 years old, and about 90 in Phillies years (I’d also be 196 in dog years if you’re counting). Three games into the NFL season, the Eagles are leading the NFC East and look like the cream of the crop again. Could 2006 finally be “next year”? Philadelphia is a city on the verge of greatness. It was great once. It will be great once again. All it needs is a little swagger courtesy of a trophy.
TRICK OR TREAT
I thought that this year for Halloween that I would go all out. Last year, I attached a gigantic afro wig to the front of my pants that looked like a gigantic patch of pubic hair. I also got a set of bike chains from Home Depot and wore them around my neck. If you haven’t guessed it yet, I was “Bush and Cheney”. With Halloween fast approaching, I thought it might be fun to not only dress up, but to get in character. Why not work for a grassroots GOP campaign but once out in the field trick people into voting against the GOP by giving them all sorts of bad information disguised as fact? Isn’t that what the GOP is all about anyway?
"Hello Ma’am. I am here today to urge you to vote for Rick Santorum for U.S. Senate. Rick Santorum is a strong candidate. Despite the fact that his wife aborted their first two children, he still takes a strong stance against abortion; much like Dick Cheney does against homosexuals despite having a homosexual daughter".
“Good day sir. I am here today to suggest that you vote for Rick Santorum for U.S. Senate this November. He said that Hurricane Katrina was sent to New Orleans to punish the people there for being poor and I’m worried that if a democrat is elected to the Senate from Pennsylvania, that we’ll all be taxed more and wind up poor. Then it’s only a matter of time before Jesus sends a hurricane here.”
T-SHIRTS WOULDN’T LIE TO ME, RIGHT?
I was out last Saturday night at an after-hours club in Philadelphia having a few drinks with my friend Karen when a guy strolled into the room with a T-shirt that said, “Future Millionaire” on it. As soon as I saw him, I wished I was wearing a T-shirt that said, “Current Millionaire”. I would just casually stroll up to him at the bar, glance at his T-shirt, look down at my own shirt, and remark, “Good luck with that.”
Then again, he wouldn’t need luck. You couldn’t just wear a T-shirt that says “Future Millionaire” if you aren’t actually going to be one, right? If people are permitted to blatantly lie about themselves through fashion then pretty soon everyone’s going to have a “World’s largest penis” T-shirt and mine won’t be cool anymore.
FOR WHOM THE DEATH TOLL MATTERS
2,973 people lost their lives in the 9/11 attacks five years ago. That’s the total from NYC, DC, and PA. This past Friday, the number of U.S. military killed in Afghanistan and Iraq met, and then surpassed that total. Five years ago we had 2,973 dead Americans. Today, thanks to continued fighting over seas, we have more than twice that total. Among the Americans killed in the Iraq war, 34 percent have come from communities reporting the lowest levels of family income, half come from middle income communities, and only 17 percent from the highest income level. Good thing we have poor people to “protect our freedom” so that the rich don’t have to do it. Then golf courses and day-spas might go out of business! It sure makes me want to buy stock in soap. Dubya is going to need a whole lot of it to wash all of this blood off of his hands.
IT’S GOING TO BE HOW HOT? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!
In about 45 years, temperatures on Earth will be hotter than at anytime during the past one million years, says the U.S. government's top climatologist in a new report released today. I’m sure that whole “global warming” thing is just some liberal rhetoric (like universal health care or a woman’s right to choose). According to the report, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the planet is just two degrees shy of an average temperature of 59 degrees Fahrenheit, which is what they believe the temperature was about a million years ago. Those 2 degrees the scientists are worried about may not sound like much, but what that change means is that by mid-century, the world will experience even more record heat waves, wildfires, more intense storms and flooding. Let’s just hope that if that happens, we actually have leaders in place that will care if the wildfires, heat waves, intense storms, and flooding occur in impoverished areas. Otherwise we could be looking at massive repeats of the Hurricane Katrina disaster. I’m sure by then Dubya and his goons will have build a nice safe space station that anyone is welcome to live on (assuming they have enough money).
MISS PENNSYLVANIA WINS MISS AMERICA! IN OTHER PAGEANT NEWS, THE AMERICAN PUBLIC IS CROWNED MISS INFORMED
Yesterday, Retired military officers bluntly accused Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld of bungling the war in Iraq, saying U.S. troops were sent to fight without the best equipment and that critical facts were hidden from the public. A member of Bush’s cabinet would actually lie to the public? What’s next? Illegal wire-taps?
"I believe that Secretary Rumsfeld and others in the administration did not tell the American people the truth for fear of losing support for the war in Iraq," retired Maj. Gen. John R. S. Batiste told a forum conducted by Senate Democrats. A second military leader, retired Maj. Gen. Paul Eaton, assessed Rumsfeld as "incompetent strategically, operationally and tactically." I don’t know Rumsfeld personally but given the track record of Bush and everyone associated with him, I’d say these statements are true. Batiste also mentioned that Rumsfeld at one point threatened to fire the next person who mentioned the need for a postwar plan in Iraq. Of course the GOP put it’s own typical spin on the situation. Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, a member of the Armed Services Committee, dismissed the Democratic-sponsored event as "an election-year smoke screen aimed at obscuring the Democrats' dismal record on national security."
"Today's stunt may rile up the liberal base, but it won't kill a single terrorist or prevent a single attack," Sen. Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., said in a statement. He called Rumsfeld an "excellent secretary of defense." Let me make this VERY clear. The war in Iraq may kill many terrorists, but it will create even more. Not only will it not prevent a single attack, it will almost guarantee several. I applaud these generals for speaking out against Rumsfeld and the mess he has created.
AND AWAY WE GO
That's all for today folks. I'd like to wish a quick happy and healthy new year to all my Jewish readers out there. Through the emails I receive, I know many of you readers have many important things to say. I urge you to make your voices heard! What better way to do that then by writing a guest column for the Spoon, Full of Truth? If you're interested, please contact me at: Spoonfulloftruth@aol.com I hope to see you all back here soon, to get your truth fresh from the Spoon.

4 Comments:

Anonymous The Nance said...

Have you sent today's post to Zagat's? Your offering today deserves a ***** rating -- the best buffet I tasted in a very long time. Your food is hot, spicy, served right on time, and never boring. Keep on cookin' because without voices like yours, we might all starve.

September 26, 2006 3:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let me add my 2 cents to your well written blog.Kudos to Retired Maj. Gen. John R.S. Batiste, Maj. Gen. Pual eaton and Col. Thomas X. Hammes for speaking out againstDefense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld for bungling the war in Iraq.The conflict, now in its 4th year, has claimed the lives of more than 2,600 American troops and cost more than $ 300 billion.As news reports have pointed out, by coincidence , their testimony at the hearing came a day after public disclosure of the National Intelligence Estimate which concluded the war(aka Dubya's holy war) has helped create a new generation of Islamic radicalism and that the overall terrorist threat has grown since the attacks of 9/11/2001.Enough said.

September 26, 2006 4:38 PM  
Anonymous Sammi said...

Kudos to Julia for being Canadian. I wish I were so lucky...
I'm not only terrified but slightly embarrassed that I'm bringing a child into this environment. I only hope that I can teach him to laugh at these fools and then do something to change it.
By the way....we're hanging out soon.

September 27, 2006 12:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good morning sports fans. As Spoonfull pointed out this year could be "the year" for Philly sports teams.The Phillies despite two tough losses are only a game back in the wildcard race with 5 games to go. Very doable. The Eagles are looking quite good and leading their division.Hopefully, Philadelphia will be celebrating big time this year.Broad Street may be a very busy street if karma kicks in. Go Phillies, Go Iggles !

September 27, 2006 7:46 AM  

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