BATHROOM BREAK

AMERICAN URINATION SOCIETY TO HONOR KARL ROVE WITH PRESTIGIOUS “LEAK OF THE YEAR” AWARD He’s already off the hook, and why shouldn’t he be? How often have we seen those close to the Bush camp bend or break the law with no consequences for their actions? They lie, cheat, steal, and when it’s to their advantage, leak. Yesterday, for the first time, Robert Novak, the journalist who revealed the identity of CIA official Valerie Plame on July 14, 2003, finally revealed something far more important, his source for the story. For those of you living under a rock, I’ll give you three guesses who it was. The rest of you should only need one. That’s right folks, White House political advisor, and avid collector of ignorance and fat-cells, Karl Rove. "I have revealed Rove's name because his attorney has divulged the substance of our conversation, though in a form different from my recollection," Novak wrote. Imagine that! Rove and his attorney claim to recall the incident differently than Novak. What’s next? In three years George Bush and Cindy Sheehan will differ on their recollection of how successful the war in Iraq was? Plame’s identity was revealed just eight days after her husband, White House critic and former U.S. Ambassador Joseph Wilson, accused the Bush administration of manipulating prewar intelligence to exaggerate the Iraqi threat from weapons of mass destruction. So what did the White House do? In typical fashion they said, if you question us, we’ll find a way to punish you. What do we know about WMD’s in Iraq today? We didn’t find any, and if the Bush administration had any prewar intelligence that said we would, they should be outing the names of the people who supplied it. That would be giving them too much credit. Most people make decisions based on facts. The Bush administration has a long history of making facts based on decisions. The decision to out a CIA operative just because her husband was opposed to the White House lying to the American public and the rest of the world so that we could start an unjust war, is criminal. With Novak finally willing to admit that Karl Rove was the source for his story, I see no reason that we shouldn’t try Rove in court, and send him up the river without a paddle. Scooter Libby could be his cell-mate. Then again, Dubya will just pardon them both in two years anyway. JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK TO THE FLEA MARKET Uh oh! I better call and warn my grandmother. A recent audit of the federal antiterrorism database, or The National Asset Database, as it is known, found that it is so flawed, that as of early this year, Indiana, with 8,591 potential terrorist targets, had fifty percent more listed sites than New York (5,687) and more than twice as many as California (3,212), ranking the state the most target-rich place in the nation. The database is used by the Homeland Security Department to help divvy up the hundreds of millions of dollars in antiterrorism grants each year, including the program announced in May that cut money to New York City and Washington by forty percent, while significantly increasing spending for cities including Louisville, Ky., and Omaha. It looks like the same prewar intelligence that said Iraq had weapons of mass destruction is also now saying that the terrorists will next strike America where it really hurts, in Indiana. Before those of you living elsewhere take a collective sigh of relief, it appears that the next terror attack could strike anywhere, literally. “Old MacDonald’s Petting Zoo, the Amish Country Popcorn factory, the Mule Day Parade, the Sweetwater Flea Market, Nix’s Check Cashing, Mall at Sears, Ice Cream Parlor, Tackle Shop, Donut Shop, Anti-Cruelty Society and Bean Fest,” all made the list. Which ice cream parlor? Which donut shop? Who knows? It could be the one you were just standing in as you got your morning coffee or a scoop of mint chocolate chip at mid-day. The horses at the petting zoo must have anthrax. What would be more cruel than blowing up the anti-cruelty society? Many businesses included on the list were baffled. “I am out in the middle of nowhere,” said Brian Lehman, whose business in Berne, Ind., has five employees and grows and distributes popcorn. “We are nothing but a bunch of Amish buggies and tractors out here. No one would care.” “Seems like someone has gone overboard,” said Larry Buss, who helps organize the Apple and Pork Festival in Clinton, Ill. “Their time could be spent better doing other things, like providing security for the country.” Good point Mr. Buss but I think this administration is a lot more interested in providing a feeling of insecurity than it is in providing actual security. Angela McNabb, manager of the Sweetwater Flea Market, which is 50 miles from Knoxville, Tenn., said: “I don’t know where they get their information. We are talking about a flea market here.” I have a pretty good idea where they get their information…they make it all up. Why include all of these places on the list? To keep the simple fear rhetoric alive and well, “You are not safe from terrorists no matter where you live, no matter where you are”. In an area like New York City that actually stands the chance of falling under attack, officials, who have questioned the rationale for the reduction in this year’s antiterrorism grants, were blunt when responding to this news. “Now we know why the Homeland Security grant formula came out as wacky as it was,” Senator Charles E. Schumer, Democrat of New York, said Tuesday. “This report is the smoking gun that thoroughly indicts the system.” According to the audit, the source of the problems appears to be insufficient definitions or standards for inclusion provided to the states, which submit lists of locations for the database. Excuse me? There aren’t sufficient definitions to what constitutes a location that should be added to the database? In many of the Red states, I’m sure they add any location at which someone of Arab decent has ever been spotted. “Yep I’m sure he’s a terrorist. That there feller was wearing a towel tied around his head and when he ordered a corndog from me he did it with an accent” This is just another example of how Bush and his goons are taking all of our tax dollars and throwing them away. You have to pick your battles boys. If terrorists want to blow up the ten people shopping at a flea market in the middle of Iowa, it will be tragic, but not nearly as tragic as if they blow up a major building filled with thousands of people. Then again, if having major buildings blown up really mattered to the Bush regime, they probably wouldn’t have helped bring down the twin towers in the first place. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY! I just wanted to take a minute to wish my beautiful wife Julia a happy 26th birthday today. The rest of you should feel free to leave her happy birthday wishes in the comments section of this post. I’m sure she’d appreciate it. Even if it’s not your birthday today, I hope you enjoyed your present, a Spoon, Full of Truth. And you said wishes don’t come true.