HEAVY RAINS BRING CURRENT EVENTS
RUSH TO JUDGEMENT With so little blood flowing to the brain of Rush Limbaugh, you'd assume there would be plenty left over to sustain the functions of the rest of his portly body. That would be a bad assumption. Limbaugh, who recently reached a deal with prosecutors on his "doctor shopping" charge of illegally obtaining pain killers by deceiving multiple doctors, was detained for several hours in the Palm Beach airport when he was found with prescription drugs in his possession, without a prescription. It was not a bottle of pain killers. This time, it was Viagra. Some women may be attracted to over-weight, pig-headed, loud-mouthed idiots but the only thing harder than Limbaugh's drug-induced erection is believing that anyone would want to have sex with him. Who knows, maybe it's a sweet twist of irony that he was detained in PALM beach. These things happen to lots of guys. Try to keep your head up Rush, no pun intended. STATE OF THE MORON ADDRESS The New York Times, along with the Los Angeles Times and the Wall Street Journal, revealed last week that Treasury officials, beginning shortly after September 11, 2001, had obtained access to an extensive international financial data base, the Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Telecommunication. President Bush said Monday it was "disgraceful" that the news media had disclosed a secret CIA-Treasury program to track millions of financial records in search of terrorist suspects. The White House accused The New York Times of breaking a long tradition of keeping wartime secrets. If I were the head of the New York Times, I'd accuse the White House of continuing the long tradition of unjust wars and using them for personal political agenda. "The fact that a newspaper disclosed it makes it harder to win this war on terror," Bush said. Want to know something else that makes it harder to win the war on terror? Staying the course in Iraq when Iraq had nothing to do with the war on terror in the first place. If anything, going to war with Iraq and continuing to stay there has only made winning the war on terror more difficult. Our resources for breaking up terrorist networks are instead tied up in Iraq. Killing members of al-Qaida in Iraq won't help win the war on terror, one dies, three more join up. Giving them less fodder to hate us sure would help. al-Qaida also believes they are fighting the war on terror. They see George Bush the same way George Bush sees Osama Bin Laden. The New York Times late last year also disclosed that the National Security Agency had been conducting warrant-less surveillance in the United States since 2002 of people with suspected al-Qaida ties. If our government didn't have such a history of shady dealings, maybe papers wouldn't publish stories that the White House considers "war time secrets". At this point, they should publish everything. We, as citizens, deserve to know what our government is up to. BRETT MYERS SERVES UP A ONE-HITTER FRIDAY IN BEAN TOWN Sadly, for Phillies Fans, the one hit was (allegedly) a punch to the face of his wife, and not a sparkling outing on the pitching mound at Fenway. Later that evening, in typical abused spouse fashion, she posted his $200 bond, and bailed his sorry ass out of jail. The Phillies, not wanting to let something silly like domestic battery stand in the way of his next start, let Myers pitch on Saturday night. He lost. The Phillies, feeling the heat from several women's rights groups after allowing him to pitch after his arrest, have now told Myers to take a leave of absence from the team until after the All-Star break in mid July. As a Phillies fan I feel disgusted that the organization allowed Myers to make his start Saturday night. If they hadn't felt any public pressure, it's clear they would have taken no action. If they were really serious about reprimanding Myers, they would have done so before Saturday. I guess it just goes to show that athletes do not have to follow the same code of conduct as the rest of us. They are constantly being arrested for domestic battery, drugs, assault, and other various charges and get nothing more than a slap on the wrists. If Myers is allowed to rejoin the team in a few weeks, I urge the first opposing pitching to face him when he bats, to hit him in the face. I think even Phillies fans would cheer for that (it's not like we have much else to cheer for these days). FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS DRINK AND DRIVE, PHONE DOESN'T LET OWNERS DRINK AND DIAL Chances are, you've awoken one morning after a night of drinking and upon checking your cell phone, realized that you had made a call to someone the night before that you probably shouldn't have. If this has never happened to you, consider yourself lucky. I've been guilty of drunk dialing a few times myself. Sometimes you get lucky and it's nothing worse than a few embarrassing comments to a friend. Sometimes, when you call someone like an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, it can be a lot worse. Enter the new LG phone (model LP4100). This phone (available soon in the U.S.) comes complete with a built in breathalyzer test. You blow into a little hole and in seconds it will warn you if you've been drinking too much to drive. It even has a little graphic of a little weaving car hitting traffic cones (perhaps in case you've had so many drinks that you can't even read). As if that wasn't enough, there is also a feature that prohibits you from drunk dialing the wrong people! You can select certain people in your phone book (ex's, co-workers, etc) and if you have a blood alcohol level over .08, the phone will not let you dial that person. This sure would have saved me a few shreds of dignity on certain nights. My wife has a habit of calling me when she's a little tipsy (and out of town) and singing "Sexual Healing" to me over the phone. Maybe I can get her a phone that automatically dials me when she's had a few too many. It would at least save her from having to dial my number herself. All in all I think this phone is a great idea. People no longer have to trust their own will power. Now, like taking a picture, or getting directions, your phone can do it for you. MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHAT'S THE GREATEST BLOG OF THEM ALL? That's right, you guessed it, it's the Spoon, Full of Truth! Check back later this week for another truth filled glimpse into this crazy world. If you don't, my magic mirror will come to your house and tell you that you're ugly.