SPOON, FULL OF TRUTH

A heavy dose of truth, humor, and political activism.

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Location: Phila, Pennsylvania, United States

Thursday, May 25, 2006

A FULL SERVING OF VEGETABLE OIL FOR YOUR V-8

ITALIAN, CHINESE, OR 40% MORE MILES PER GALLON? With the price of Gasoline creeping up towards four dollars a gallon or more, why not switch to a full source that businesses are willing to just give you for free? Sound crazy? Reality often does. That's right folks, with the new Greasecar system, your diesel car can now run on used vegetable oil from your favorite Chinese or Italian restaurant. These restaurants are happy to give their used oil away instead of paying a fee to have it removed. The sad fact is, these systems aren't even actually new. The first one was debuted at the 1900's World's Fair and ran on peanut oil. How much will a system like this cost you these days? About $2,500. Not only is the system affordable, but testing proves that it is reduces wear on the car, does not release carbon dioxide into the environment like typical fuels, and gets 40% more fuel efficiency than gasoline. The Greasecar system, great for your wallet, great for the environment, not so good for Dubya and his merry band of oil and gasoline tycoons; the same oil tycoons who are gouging us at the pump. Bush enjoys attacking countries like Iraq, taking romantic, hand-in-hand walks with leaders from countries like Saudi Arabia, or drilling pristine wilderness (like that in Alaska) to keep us all dependant on gasoline. But aren't the rest of us also to blame? I'm not saying that any of us are as bad as George Bush, I have too much respect for all of you. Why is it though that we just keep on lining up at the pumps, filling up our tanks as gasoline prices skyrocket? Sure, we all bitch and moan about it, but how seriously would you take someone who says they are sick of eating pizza as they order another slice? Okay, so you're ready to at least pay some lip service to the Greasecar system and want to know how it works? The Spoon won't let you down. To get all the details you could possibly want, just visit http://www.greasecar.com/. I'm not saying this new fuel system is the answer to all of our gasoline problems, but it's a start. What it does is give us an option. Options open dialogues. It's time people stop bitching about the high cost of gasoline (both to our bank accounts and to our environment) and start CONSIDERING other options. We are only dependant on gasoline because we're lazy. We don't want to take the time or the energy to explore other options that are out there. They might be a little less convenient then running to the local gas station, but in the long run is it really worth all that extra money we spend and the environment we are destroying? I, for one, say no. We recently sold our car and although it's been tough not having it to run silly errands with, or to drive somewhere when I don't feel like walking, I love the freedom from gasoline. Hopefully, when I get my next car, I'll be able to pick up my Chinese food for dinner and fuel for the ride home, at the same place. THE BLAIR WITCH AND THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST (WING) STRIKE AGAIN It is said that hindsight is 20/20. In the case of George Bush, hindsight can be described in one word: Duh. On Thursday, our fearless leader finally admitted that his taunt of "Bring 'em on!" that he directed to Iraqi insurgents was a big mistake. Really George? You think so? That's like saying that maybe it was a mistake to let your ten year old son spend the night at Neverland Ranch or like Steve Bartman saying it was a mistake to block Moises Alou from catching that foul ball at Wrigley. No fucking kidding it was a big mistake Dubya. Are you just figuring this out now? Ring! Ring! 2003 is on the phone George, it wants its common sense back. Bush said that his comment was, "kind of tough talk, you know, that sent the wrong message to people". Has anything this clown has done since he's taken office sent the RIGHT message? Not unless the message is that he's an ass hole, he wants the rest of the world to view America as a country full of ass holes, he hates black people, he has no respect for the constitution, he talks to jesus, he's mad with power, and he likes to play G. I. Joe with real life U.S. soldiers. "I learned some lessons about expressing myself maybe in a little more sophisticated manner, you know. "Wanted, dead or alive"; that kind of talk. I think in certain parts of the world it was misinterpreted," he said. Certain parts of the world? He must be referring to the blue states, and everywhere else on Earth. He wants to be more sophisticated now? I'll believe it when I see it. I'm shocked Bush didn't follow up his taunts by asking the Iraqi's to pull his finger. Not wanting to be outdone, Tony Blair immediately removed his head from Bush's ass and added, "I think it's easy to go back over mistakes that we may have made. But the biggest reason why Iraq has been difficult is the determination by our opponents to defeat us. And I don't think we should be surprised at that". You're right on both accounts Tony. It is very easy to go back over all of the mistakes that you and Georgie boy have made. Helen Keller could point them out. You think the biggest reason that the Iraqi conflict has been difficult is because the people you are fighting are determined to win? No kidding you shouldn't be surprised! What did you think would happen? They'd all lay down their weapons and start waving the stars and stripes and erect sand sculptures in your likeness? So to sum up, the following is what the leaders of two of the most powerful nations on Earth have learned this week. #1) It's wrong to taunt your enemies. If anything it will only make them want to fight you more. #2) When you make mistakes the size of Texas for all the world to see, yeah, it might be sort of easy for people to recount them. #3) When you start a fight with someone, you shouldn't be surprised if they try to fight back. Now that they've started a war with no end in sight, and learned some valuable lessons, I think neither of them should have a problem moving on to the third grade. I GAZE INTO MY CRYSTAL BALL No need to spend $3.99 a minute to call Ms. Cleo. I'm going to tell you the future of the Spoon, Full of Truth, for free. In the coming weeks I will start to feature new segments containing short works of fiction. Not to be confused with the non-fiction posts, these fictional tales will be clearly identified. Truth sometimes is stranger than fiction, but fiction can still hold truth, and here at the Spoon, we have room for all the truth you can handle. Everyone have a great weekend and check back next week for you next shot of truth, one Spoon, Full of it, at a time.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

As much as I enjoy your non-fiction writing, I am looking forward to a spoon full of your fiction!

May 26, 2006 7:04 AM  
Anonymous The Nance said...

You've outdone yourself today. Great column.

Now I'll need to read up on non-diesel cars. Are there any on the market for family cars and if so, which ones? I'm willing to eat more chinese food but don't want to drive a truck to do my errands. And it must be syncronicity (did I spell that right?) that led us to a website showing a picture of the sol patrol. I'd like to think that's where American Idol Taylor Hicks got the idea for the name.

And, as usual, you have captured the idiocy of our president in true Maureen Dowd fashion.

Keep em comin' and I am looking forward to the fiction.

May 26, 2006 11:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good column. From my perspective, "W" did not actually apologize for playing a "Cowboy" ("Bring em on"). He instead suggested it was misunderstood by some.Moreover, the "Cowboy" offered no apology for Abu Ghraib,or for lack of sufficient troops,or for his other blunders, too numerous to mention.No our clownish "Cowboy" still doesn't get it.He is still puzzled by the fact that the insurgents are fighting us so fiercely.What did he or Rummy expect ?
In any event thanks for more of the truth.

May 27, 2006 11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apropos of what you are talking about in this column ,check out David Corn.com.He talks about "W"'s limited apology.Unfortunately, the President is not pressed harder on these questions by the White House press corps.

May 30, 2006 10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another thought on transportation: why not rebuild our substandard public transportation systems. At least in the major metropolitan areas, this would cut down on fuel usage and traffic and create jobs. The cost will be great. The cost to each person will be small in comparison to his or her annual gasoline bill.

June 03, 2006 4:07 AM  

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