SPOON, FULL OF TRUTH

A heavy dose of truth, humor, and political activism.

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Location: Phila, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

TWO PARTIES ENTERED, ONE WON

VICTORY!!
I would first like to say thank you to all of you who got out and voted last week. We did it! As you already know, last week Democrats won enough seats in the House and the Senate to regain control of both. They did not lose a single seat they already held. This is the first time this has happened in over 80 years. To the victor go the spoils and clearly (thus far) the spoils have been wonderful. Last week saw the resignation of Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld. Just a week earlier Dubya had lied to the press saying that Rumsfeld would be a part of his cabinet until the end of his term (which he all but admitted to during questioning following his announcement that Rumsfeld would be resigning). I think two things led to his misleading the press and the American people. One, Dubya is willing to lie anytime he feels it is to his advantage. Why shouldn’t he? His past lies have brought no immediate consequences. Second, maybe Dubya (like many Americans) had been duped by Cheney and the rest of his staff into thinking that the GOP would actually retain control of Capital Hill. Time to wake up George! It’s been a nice six-year nap but you have two years of reality to deal with now. Rumsfeld wasn’t the only GOP casualty this week. Ken Mehlman, head of the RNC, also will be stepping down. This should leave both Mehlman and Rumsfeld plenty of time to pursue other interests (like hunting with pal Dick Cheney).
HIT ME BABY, ONE LAST TIME
Say it isn’t so! Break out your tissues and get ready for a good cry; Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are calling it quits. To be fair, Britney Spears is calling it quits. She was obviously so broken up about it that she was only able to inform Kevin of her decision via a text message while he was filming a television spot in Canada. When he got the text, Kevin became outraged and stormed off the set. Luckily for the rest of us, cameras were still rolling. This footage became the #1 most watched video on You-Tube this week with well over a million page views. It would be unfair to speculate on what might have caused this break-up. Let’s be unfair for a minute. It could have been the intense media scrutiny of their marriage. It could have been Kevin’s inability to curb his wild party side or his need to spend Britney’s money like it was going out of style. It could have been the pressure of having two kids (Britney’s first go around as a parent; Kevin is a pro). Personally, I think the blame falls clearly onto homosexuals. Gays are attacking the sanctity of marriage by pursuing the right to wed. If same sex couples didn’t want the same rights as heterosexuals then clearly marriages based on love and respect (like Britney and Kevin) would have a much better chance of surviving turmoil. Listen up same-sex couples! You’ve already taken over the rainbow. I can’t even enjoy my Lucky Charms in the morning without worrying that each marshmallow I consume will increase my urge to wax my chest or peruse the Musical CD’s section at my local Virgin mega-store. Now you’re attacking marriage?! Look, we all know that this impending divorce is a direct terrorist act by homosexuals against the sanctity of celebrity marriages. If Britney and Kevin divorce then the gay terrorists win! Right? Maybe the blame for the failing institution of marriage should fall somewhere else, on the government and on married couples themselves. Marriage used to mean something (aside from tax-breaks). When people got married they really considered it a lifetime commitment. These days well over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Why? Because same-sex couples want to marry and that just ruins it for the rest of us? No. It’s because married couples view divorce as a perfectly acceptable way to deal with a rocky marriage. I see no problem with divorce. If something doesn’t work, better to split and move on. My problem is that people still claim there is sanctity of marriage that needs to be protected. There is not. Gays have the same right to get married, be unhappy, and eventually divorce, as the rest of us. Maybe if Britney had just married Madonna and not Kevin, things would have turned out better.
THE NEXT PRESIDENT? I CALLED IT!
As I watched election results pour in last Tuesday, I was still shocked by the willingness of news organizations to call election results long before I would have felt comfortable doing so. We all saw how well that worked when Florida was called for Al Gore, only to then be called later for Dubya. Last week I saw many races called before even 30% of the votes had be tallied. If CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN and the others can all call races early (in the hopes of being the first to do so) then why can’t I? There’s no real accountability for calling an election early. That being said, I’d like to be the first to call the 2008 Presidential election for Al Gore and Ed Rendell. What’s that? You hadn’t even heard Gore announce his candidacy, let alone the news that he’d won the primary and picked PA governor Ed Rendell as his running mate? That’s okay, neither have I. That isn’t going to stop me. With zero percent of precincts reporting, I am going to call the election. The next President of the United States will be Al Gore (with Rendell as VP). You heard it here first! If it turns out I am incorrect in calling this race early, you can come down on me as harshly as you would the weather man (when he predicts sun and it rains), or the sports analysts who picked Detroit to win the World Series (when it was the Cardinals who came away with the victory). While I’m at it, the Philadelphia Eagles will win the Super-bowl this February.
CHRIS CRINGLE MAKES ME CRINGE
It’s been two weeks since Halloween and that means I’ve been dealing with Christmas for two full weeks already. We have a major holiday between Halloween and Christmas called Thanksgiving. However, because people don’t shell out tons of money for Thanksgiving, it gets glossed over by retailers. I walked into a pharmacy one day after Halloween and it was already filled with Christmas crap. Shouldn’t there be a grace period? I don’t find Christmas offensive from a religious point of view; I’m able to make the distinction between religious Christmas and retail Christmas. I find it offensive that I have to have retail Christmas shoved down my throat every time I walk into a store for the next six weeks. We all know we need to buy gifts for the holidays. The lights, tinsel, pre-wrapped gifts, decorations, and food aren’t a gentle reminder that I should get started on my holiday shopping; it’s an insult. They should just put up a big sign that says “Only 40 days left for us to take your hard earned money!” How many people do you think forget Christmas and are saved at the last second by the gaudy window display at their local drugstore? Probably the same number of people who would forget their own birthday if their friends and family didn’t send them cards. How much Christmas is too much? I think this year I might try boycotting any store that gets into Christmas mode before Thanksgiving. Christmas shouldn’t get all of the blame. The day after Christmas the Valentine’s Day crap will go up. The day after Valentine’s Day the Easter crap will go up. I find that just as offensive too. I have to buy gifts like everyone else. All I ask is that you just take my money gracefully and don’t rub it in my face for six full weeks. Bah Humbug.
LAST STOP, ALL READERS MUST EXIT
I hope you enjoyed today’s edition of the Spoon, Full of Truth. The historic 100th post was posted last week and now we can start on our way to 200. Hang on, it’s going to be quite a ride! I’ve been getting many questions about the comments section and you can access it (to either leave a comment or to read other’s comments) by way of a small link at the end of this (and every) post. It’s a little icon at the bottom and you should all become familiar with it, and use it. You’ll be happy that you did. Please share the link to this site, the Spoon, and the truth with as many people as you can. Be one of the few who can say you did it before it was wildly popular. If they could see you now, you…the trendsetter. You’ve come a long way kiddo.

2 Comments:

Anonymous The Nancy said...

What a perfect ticket -- Al and Ed. Not that I like Ed. I don't, but then I don't like any womanizing frat boy types. As a team though, they have the package that made Clinton so appealing -- brains (Gore), ability to connect with voters (Ed), passion (Gore: the environment; Ed: Eagles, women, and cheesesteaks). And I'd love to see Tipper as first lady.

And maybe, since you called it first, they would hire you as their main speech writer or press secretary. Just think -- a presidential speech that tells the truth. That's a novel idea.

Congratulations, Spoon, on reaching 100. I can't wait to see what the next 100 bring.

November 14, 2006 4:08 PM  
Blogger RBZ said...

Congrats to you, Uncle Fester!

November 16, 2006 1:56 PM  

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