JENNA'S BOOK, SCOOTER BOOKED

WEEK IN REVIEW
Hello Spoon readers, and welcome to another addition of the Spoon, Full of Truth. Many interesting things happened this week, and after reading this post, you can consider yourself up-to-date on many of them. Let’s get right to it…

JENNA BUSH WRITES BOOK FOR TEENS IN AN ATTEMPT TO TEACH HER FATHER TO READ
Jenna Bush announced plans this week for her forthcoming book about a seventeen year old single mother who is living (in Panama) with HIV. In a rare phone interview, Jenna claims that the book is meant to raise awareness amongst teens about the conditions of poverty in Central and South America (where she has worked as an unpaid intern for UNICEF). A book-tour is being planned for schools, bookstores, and libraries upon completion of the book. Jenna claims that she will donate all proceeds from the book to UNICEF, and why shouldn’t she? Her father has made a living making billions of dollars (for himself and his goons) by exploiting third world countries for their resources while giving nothing back to the people there. If you took the amount of money that the U.S. has thrown away on the needless Iraq war, and spent it on food, medicine, and schooling for kids in third world nations it could have saved countless lives. Jenna says she "very, very modestly" hopes her book will have some of the influence of two books about girls caught up in the Holocaust: Lois Lowry's novel “Number the Stars” and Anne Frank's “The Diary of Anne Frank”. I guess one thing is clear: Jenna has the same inflated sense of self importance as her dear old daddy. Something tells me that when the influence of Jenna’s book “Ana's Story: A Journey of Hope” is compared to that of “The Diary of Anne Frank” they will prove to be as similar as Iraqi oil and melted polar ice-cap water.

HOMOPHOBIC LIKE A FOX
Ann Coulter is at it again. This week, queen-moron called Presidential candidate John Edwards a “faggot”. The very next day, FOX News booked Coulter on "Hannity & Colmes," where she defended her homophobic jab, saying it was not "an insulting word" but a "schoolyard taunt" and a "joke." Oh that’s right Ann, I totally forgot that if you use an insulting word as a taunt that it ceases to be insulting. Thanks for reminding me. When asked if FOX would dump Coulter, they responded, "Ann Coulter is not a paid commentator and her remarks don't reflect the views of FOX News Channel." That sounds like a “no” to me. Listen up FOX, I’m not a paid commentator either. Do you want to let me appear on one of your “news” shows (and I use the word news to mean right-wing rhetoric and lies) and speak my mind? If I say anything offensive you can just issue the same statement. Just because she isn’t paid by FOX doesn’t mean you should grant this mega-bitch the right to say anything and everything that spews out of her mouth! Meanwhile, if a democrat appeared on FOX and even questioned the President and his actions you’d be quick to run a banner under his picture that read “This terrorist questions motives of Jesus’ favorite President”. I hope one day Ann Coulter mutters another derogatory remark in front of the wrong person and they kick the teeth right out of her mouth.

PRISON INMATES REFUSED SKATEBOARDS, BUT GIVEN A SCOOTER
This week a jury told us what we already knew was true. Scooter Libby is guilty. Maybe Dick Cheney will send him a nice gift basket in prison. Meanwhile, the Bush White House steadfastly refused to talk about a possible pardon in the CIA leak case. When the Bush White House can’t even come up with some bull-shit statement (“speaking of pardons, do you have any Grey Poupon?”) to take the attention away from the obvious pardon, you know it’s as good as done (as I have been saying since long before this conviction came down). The request for a new trial is the first move in Libby's uncertain future. He faces up to 25 years in prison when he is sentenced June 5, but his federal sentencing guidelines are much lower. I understand the Presidential pardon to an extent, but I think it should not be permitted to be used on those who work directly for the President or Vice-President. This allows Dubya and Dick to have their staff do whatever they what, whenever they want, knowing that even if they are convicted of breaking the law, Georgie-Boy can get them off. I bet he even keeps a little stack of Monopoly “get out of jail free” cards in his desk in the Oval Office. I guess finding Scooter guilty is a small moral victory for those of us disgusted with the Bush regime’s tactics, but at this point I’m holding out for more. I won’t be content until Scooter, Dick, and George are all locked up for breaking the law but sadly, that day is about as likely to come as Kevin Federline winning a Grammy.

ARE YOU KIDNEYING ME? THIS MUST BE SOME KIND OF JOKE
Serving another six months for that robbery conviction? In South Carolina you might be able to be released tomorrow…minus a kidney. That’s right; South Carolina lawmakers are considering legislation that would let prisoners donate organs or bone marrow in exchange for time off their sentences (voluntarily of course). The proposal approved by the Senate Corrections and Penology Subcommittee would set up a volunteer donor program in prisons to teach inmates about the need for donors. Lawmakers are still awaiting legal advice before acting on a bill that would shave up to 180 days off a prison sentence for inmates who donate. I remember reading a story once about people who take on characteristics of the people whose organs they receive. One woman who never liked pizza began craving it like crazy after getting a kidney implant only to find out that the man who donated the kidney to her had worked in a pizza shop his entire life. Another man began listing to opera music (something he had hated in the past) and then learned that the woman who had donated an organ to him (after dying in an auto accident) had been an avid opera fan. What can we expect from the organs of convicts? Will a nun get a transplant from a felon and go on a murder spree? Will a bank teller get a bone-marrow transplant and begin casing his own place of employment? Aside from the moral dilemmas of allowing prisoners to be released early if they donate organs, will we be creating new criminals? Is there something in the DNA of these organs that will turn law-abiding citizens into crooks? With more than 95,300 Americans awaiting an organ transplant (according to the Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network) and about 6,700 dying each year, I guess it’s a risk we’ll all have to take.

SYRUP, CHEESE, GREAT SKIING, AND NOW…
South Carolina might be the Nation’s leading producer of peaches (yes, more than Georgia) but Vermont now appears to be leading manufacturer of impeaches. On Tuesday, more than 30 Vermont towns passed resolutions seeking to impeach President Bush. Citizens of 32 towns (in Vermont) backed a measure calling on the U.S. Congress to file articles of impeachment against Bush for misleading the nation on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction and for engaging in illegal wiretapping, among other charges.
"We're putting impeachment on the table," said James Leas, a Vermont lawyer who helped to draft the resolutions and is tracking the votes. "The people in all these towns are voting to get this process started and bring the troops home now." While these resolutions are non-binding, they may help to instigate further discussions in the legislature. I applaud the citizen’s of Vermont for speaking up. You make a damn fine cheddar cheese, and an even better point.

WHEN I WAS A KID WE HAD REAL PRESIDENTIAL SCANDALS, LIKE FELLATIO
It wasn’t all that long ago that our country wasted billions of dollars investigating Bill Clinton’s famous blow-job. It was after all, an extra-marital affair, something that right-wing Christians are firmly against…on the surface. On of the men who led the charge against Clinton was then Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich. For those of you not fluent in asshole, allow me to translate. Newt = Hypocrite. At the exact same time Newt was busy wasting tax-payers money and leading a personal right-wing crusade against President Clinton, he too was having an affair. He acknowledged this information in a recent interview with a conservative Christian group (that will air today). But don’t be so quick to call Newt a hypocrite (as I have clearly done) for pursuing Clinton’s infidelity. "The president of the United States got in trouble for committing a felony in front of a sitting federal judge," the former Georgia congressman said of Clinton's 1998 House impeachment on perjury and obstruction of justice charges. "I drew a line in my mind that said, 'Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury in your highest officials." I can sum up Gingrich’s statement with one word: bullshit. We can’t accept perjury of our highest official’s Newt? Then why aren’t you up in Vermont leading the charge to impeach Dick Cheney and George Bush? When I was in young we used to play in the creek that ran through the grounds of the school I attended. We often caught little critters, salamanders, crawfish, and newts. From experience I can tell you that nothing is slimier than a newt. If Clinton was investigated for a blow-job, then Bush, Cheney, and even you Newt, should most definitely be investigated for fucking each and every American (who isn’t in the richest 1%).

THANK YOU TO MY BROTHER FOR SENDING ME THIS STORY
I really love this next story that was sent to me by my brother Josh. I just had to share it with all of you.

By JUAN CARLOS LLORCA, Associated Press Writer
Fri Mar 9, 12:20 AM ET

GUATEMALA CITY - Mayan priests will purify a sacred archaeological site to eliminate "bad spirits" after President Bush visits next week, an official with close ties to the group said Thursday.
"That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture," Juan Tiney, the director of a Mayan nongovernmental organization with close ties to Mayan religious and political leaders, said Thursday.
Bush's seven-day tour of Latin America includes a stopover beginning late Sunday in Guatemala. On Monday morning he is scheduled to visit the archaeological site Iximche on the high western plateau in a region of the Central American country populated mostly by Mayans.
Tiney said the "spirit guides of the Mayan community" decided it would be necessary to cleanse the sacred site of "bad spirits" after Bush's visit so that their ancestors could rest in peace. He also said the rites — which entail chanting and burning incense, herbs and candles — would prepare the site for the third summit of Latin American Indians March 26-30.
Bush's trip has already has sparked protests elsewhere in Latin America, including protests and clashes with police in Brazil hours before his arrival. In Bogota, Colombia, which Bush will visit on Sunday, 200 masked students battled 300 riot police with rocks and small homemade explosives.
The tour is aimed at challenging a widespread perception that the United States has neglected the region and at combating the rising influence of Venezuelan leftist President Hugo Chavez, who has called Bush "history's greatest killer" and "the devil."
Iximche, 30 miles west of the capital of Guatemala City, was founded as the capital of the Kaqchiqueles kingdom before the Spanish conquest in 1524.

GIVE ME A W, GIVE ME AN EEKEND…WHAT’S THAT SPELL? WEEKEND!
Yet another work week has come to an end and it’s time to sit back, relax, and watch some college basketball! For those of you who don’t like college basketball, I’m sure you can find some other way to pass the time this weekend (although with the new daylight savings time inititive, the U.S. government has taxed us all one hour of weekend time three weeks early...thanks for pointing that out Paul). Personally, this is my favorite time of year. I love the excitement building up to Selection Sunday and can’t wait for March Madness to kick off next Thursday. I hope everyone enjoyed today’s post and can find it in their hearts to share it with their friends, family, and maybe even an enemy or two (Jesus would want you to do it). Make sure to check back next week, for another Spoon, Full of Truth. Spoon…out.