THE SPOON GOES STIR CRAZY

CABIN FEVER
I am beginning to go absolutely stir-crazy. Since my accident just over two weeks ago it has been hard for me to leave the house. Because of my concussion (and post-concussion syndrome) I get really dizzy if I am on my feet for too long, making it hard to go anywhere and impossible to exercise. I rely on exercising several times a week to keep my blood sugars down and my anxiety levels in check. Without being able to go running, my system is all out of whack. I just don’t feel like myself. My head feels clouded. You know those first few minutes when you wake up in the morning before you’re really awake where you feel like you’re in a daze? I feel like that all the time. When I try to concentrate too hard on anything, I get a raging headache. My neck and back are also pretty sore making it difficult to find a comfortable position to lay or sit in. I never thought people were faking when they talked about whiplash from a car accident but I never knew just how much it affects you. I never appreciated how heavy my head was before. Day after day of attempting to keep my neck straight has made me realize I might have an oversized brain up there; it weighs a ton. I started physical therapy last week. The first 30 minutes are nice. I get electro-stimulation on my sore muscles and get covered in heavy heat wraps. The next 60 minutes aren’t nearly as enjoyable. It’s a lot of repetitive exercises. Turn my head left, wait six seconds, turn my head right, wait six seconds, repeat 20 times. That is just one of many, many exercises I have to do. By the end of a session I am sore and tired and can’t wait to go home. Then, I get home, and remember just how boring it is sitting around all day with nothing to do. I’m actually sick of playing video games and watching movies. If you know me on a personal level, this probably comes as somewhat of a shock. On top of all of this, I’ve started having nightmares about the accident. Does the fun ever end? I don’t mean to sit here and complain to all of you. I know that I was lucky to walk out of the car without more serious injuries (or possibly even losing my life). I just need to vent and you, my readers, are the closest thing I have to an audience. If you’re still reading this and haven’t skipped ahead to the next topic, I thank you. If anyone out there has been in an accident or similar situation that forced them to be homebound for a lengthy period, I would love any suggestions you have about how to pass the time, get some exercise, etc. You can use the comment tab at the bottom of this post or you can email me at Spoonfulloftruth@aol.com

UNPATRIOTIC
Superbowl 41 is set and I am happy to say that the Patriots are not a part of it. Those of you who have been Spoon readers since I first started posting over a year ago may recall my somewhat unfounded hatred of the New England Patriots. While attending University in Massachusetts I had to sit by and watch the Patriots beat the Rams to win the Superbowl. As all of my friends celebrated, I was mourning the NFC Championship loss of my beloved Eagles. The next year, the Patriots didn’t even make the playoffs. The Eagles were primed to go to the Superbowl but lost the NFC Championship game at home to the Bucs who went on to beat the Raiders. The following year, the Patriots were once again in the Superbowl and the Birds once again dropped the NFC Championship game at home (this time to the Panthers). The Patriots won their 2nd NFL title in three years. The following season, my Eagles finally made it to the big game only to lose by three points to the Patriots. I hate the Patriots. Why do they get to win so many Superbowls and Philadelphia can’t seem to win any? Somewhere along the way the Redsox also won the World Series. The Phillies haven’t been to the World Series in fourteen years and haven’t won it since 1980. Am I bitter? You bet your ass I am. I can deal with a team winning one championship, but why should they get so many when I haven’t even been able to celebrate one? Boston fans should understand my bitterness. After all, the Yankees NOT winning the World Series is almost as celebrated as the Redsox actually winning it. Until the Eagles win the Superbowl, I hope the Patriots struggle to even go 8-8.

GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS CAPITAL HILL, DO NOT COLLECT $200
On Tuesday, the House passed new legislation that will effectively strip lawmakers convicted of crimes such as bribery, fraud, and perjury of their congressional pensions. This is the latest effort by Congress to refurbish its scandal-scarred image. The measure passed by a vote of 431-0, just four days after former Rep. Bob Ney (R-Ohio) received a 30-month prison term for taking political favors from Jack Abramoff. Just last year, Ney (serving as chairman of House Administration) backed similar legislation. It did not pass. Because the new legislation is not retroactive, it will not affect Ney. He is still eligible for about $29,000 a year (of tax payer money) once he turns 62 years old in 2016. My generation isn’t even going to get to collect social security despite paying into it for years (thanks for living well past your projected life expectancy seniors) and these clowns get to collect a pension while in prison paid for by our tax dollars? I believe that if any elected official is convicted of a crime, not only should they never receive another dime of tax payer money, but they should have to repay every cent they made while in office as a charitable donation (and no, that does not include buying Neil Bush’s educational software for Katrina victims).

RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY
Has anyone come up with a politically correct term for “Indian Giver”? “Native-American Lender” perhaps? When I was a kid, we used the term to refer to someone who gave you something to keep and then later demanded that you return it. While many other terms we used as children have since been assigned a more P.C. term, I haven’t heard one for Indian Giver. Until someone comes up with a new term, I give you all permission to keep on using the old one (although in an ironic twist I might take that permission back at a later time).

WIFE OF THE YEAR
A 28 year old woman decided to induce labor last Friday so that her husband would not have to risk missing the Bears in the NFC Championship game (for which he had a ticket). The baby was originally due to be born on Monday. Tuesday, on American Idol, a father missed the birth of his second child to audition for the show. The judges selected him to move on to the next round in Hollywood. While watching the show, my wife turned to me and said, “You better not miss the birth of our children for anything,” I told her unless the Eagles are in the Superbowl the day she goes into labor, she has nothing to worry about. Maybe when we try to have a baby I’ll just make sure it’s at a time when the birth can’t possibly conflict with the end of football season. Either that or I’ll have to get them to wheel a TV into the maternity ward.

HEY, FAT BOY, YOU GONNA EAT THAT?
Philadelphia (as well as many other cities) is toying with the idea of banning restaurants from using Trans Fat. What ever happened to personal responsibility? I would understand if they passed a measure that required any restaurant that uses Trans Fat to clearly state it on the menu. There could even be a little warning like there is on cigarettes about the possible dangers of ingesting Trans Fat. But banning it? I’m sick of the government deciding that it knows what is best for all of us. If someone wants to spend all day eating foods loaded with Trans Fat, damage their system, become obese, and eventually have serious health problems, why shouldn’t they be able to? We haven’t banned high fructose corn syrup and that crap is awful for you. By forcing restaurants to mark menu items that contain Trans Fat, you take away those stupid law-suits (like the guy who sued Burger King claiming their food made him fat) and put responsibility in the consumer’s hands. Why should the government care? It’s not like we have universal health care here and all these fat people are going to become a terrible burden on the health care system at a cost to tax-payers. Listen up fat people, if you want to eat your Trans Fat you go right ahead and do it. However, don’t come complain to the rest of us when you pack on more pounds and suffer from poor health. That’s the trade off. You can have your fried foods and cakes or you can have your health. I think it should be up to each of us to make that decision on our own. Government, you stick your nose into everything else, please keep your “know it all” attitude out of my diet.

PREMATURE EVACUATION
President Bush, on a collision course with Congress over Iraq, said Friday "I'm the decision-maker" about sending more troops to the war. He challenged skeptical lawmakers not to prematurely condemn his plan. It seems to me that not prematurely condemning Bush’s war plan (or condemning it altogether) is what got us into this mess in the first place. When he told the country (and the world) that we were going there to find WMD’s, and the U.N. went in and said there was no sign of them, we shouldn’t have invaded Iraq. But we did. If Congress wasn’t so busy at the time raising their own pay, accepting bribes, wining and dining Christian leaders, molesting young men, and turning a blind eye to the cowboy antics of our leader in chief, we wouldn’t be in this mess. As they have countless times, they gave the OK and we went to war. Bravo.
Bush said lawmakers agree that failure in Iraq would be a disaster and that he chose a strategy that he and his advisers thought would help turn the tide in Iraq. Are these the same advisors who got us into this mess in the first place? Are they the same advisors that he used to deal with Katrina? Maybe they are the advisors that thought tax-payer money should be spent building a fence on the Mexican border. The guidance Bush has received from his advisors thus far is about as good as the advice you’d get if you asked Britney Spears for parenting tips. Bush later added, "Our policy is going to be to protect our troops. It makes sense." Asking Dick Cheney to be your hunting partner makes more sense George. How does sending more troops to escalate the violence make our troops safer? Maybe if you send the new troops directly into the line of fire the troops already there will be a little safer, but that’s just retarded. Yes Dubya, you are retarded. The way to make our troops safer is to pull them out of Baghdad and bring them back home. When was the last time a U.S. soldier was killed by a car or roadside bomb in the states? I think it’s become clear that Congress needs to not only oppose Bush and his backwards thinking, but find a way to take the decision making powers out of his hands. If Clinton could be impeached for a blow-job, it’s time we impeached Bush for fucking our entire country over.

PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW
That’s it for this week! Sorry my posts have been few and far between. Once I am recovered from my injuries and feel a little less clouded I will be back to my old self and able to bring you Truth on a more regular basis. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed today’s post and shared it with someone you know. The Truth is best enjoyed when shared with friends (tapas style). Don’t over do it though, just take it one Spoon, Full of it at a time. Everyone have a great weekend. If you’re in the move to nurture your creative side, I suggest you check out: www.mycmsite.com/juliajmiller
Spoon…out.