A heavy dose of truth, humor, and political activism.

Location: Phila, Pennsylvania, United States

Thursday, March 30, 2006


EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS, EVEN ABSURDITY Leave it to Texas to ruin something else. Texas has begun to send undercover agents into bars to arrest drunk people. Being in a bar does not exempt one from the state laws against public drunkenness, said a spokesperson for the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission. Although obviously being the Vice President, President, or one of his daughters, does. The same spokesperson (Carolyn Beck) said the goal was to arrest people before they leave the bar and do something stupid like driving a car. "There are a lot of dangerous and stupid things people do when they're intoxicated, other than get behind the wheel of a car," Beck also said. "People walk out into traffic and get run over, people jump off of balconies trying to reach a swimming pool and miss". What's next? Start arresting people when they first enter a bar? Or how about when they turn 21 before they can even get that first legal drink? You have to cut people some slack. Obviously some people make bad decisions when they are drunk. Anyone who's ever had sex with an ugly person after pounding a few shots can attest to that. These people are from Texas though. They choose to live there. They voted for Dubya. Obviously they aren't making decent decisions while they are sober either. It's illegal to drink and drive. It might even be illegal to get drunk and jump off balconies in a failed attempt to reach a swimming pool (in Texas it might even be punishable by death). But you can't start arresting people just for drinking BEFORE they do something stupid. It's legal to get drunk. It's legal to own a gun (sadly). Are they going to start arresting people who legally buy a gun because they might kill someone with it? If I had my way Texas could go be it's own country and they could do whatever they wanted. In fact, if I really had my way, being from Texas would be illegal in and of itself. However, Texas is still part of the United States and I was under the impression that people had to break the law before they could be arrested for it. Dick Cheney got drunk (allegedly) and shot someone in the face and no charges were filed, and they want to arrest other drunk people because they MIGHT do something stupid? Texas sure is the Lone Star state, and that light is awfully dim. SAVE THE WINGS FOR YOUR CHICKEN It is a sad day for anyone who trusts chicks in tight shirts who serve buffalo wings to provide decent in flight service. That's right folks, Hooters Air is going out of business. For those of you that didn't even know Hooters had started its' own airline, you probably aren't alone. Unless you happened to be watching T.V. at 3AM on a Tuesday night (or any other "prime time" for advertising) to catch the fifteen second commercial they ran, how would you know? I get what they were trying to do. Boobs sell. Just one slight problem. I trust a chick with big tits in a low cut shirt and tight orange pants that show off her ass to bring me some chicken wings. I'll even go as far as to play along when they try to secure a better tip through their powers of slut-persuasion (the last time I ate at a Hooters, the waitress walked over to the table, proceeded to drop her pen on the floor before she could take our order, and bent over to pick it up in such a way as to show off as much of her tits and ass as she could. This, no doubt, is the first lesson in the Hooters training video). However, I do not trust some big breasted girl in tight shorts to keep her cool and protect me in the event of an emergency at 30,000 feet. Although in the event of a water landing, her implants may be used as a floatation device. I enjoy titties as much as the next guy, but I don't think a nice rack gives you license to work on an airplane. Honestly, I don't even think it gives you license to serve me wings and beer. I'm not allowed to fly with nail clippers and I'm supposed to feel safe with these chain-restaurant sluts in charge? Who's flying the plane? Carmen Elektra? I get it, you have a nice body. It doesn't mean I'm going to tip you any more when you bring my food (not unless you're gonna wrap yourself up in a giant doggy bag and come home with me). And it certainly doesn't mean I'm going to fly on your airline. Not that it matters anyway. Hooters Air, has gone completely Bust. (For those of you who are kicking yourself for not catching a ride on one of these fun-filled flights, the company will still focus on charter flights for tour groups and sports teams. Maybe now the Minnesota Vikings can lose the party boats). THE SPOON HAS LEFT THE BUILDING You want more truth? You want more truth? You can't handle more truth! Not for today anyway. But check back soon, there's another Spoon, Full of Truth, right around the corner. Don't forget the comment section. It's your pipeline to D. Jacob Miller and his magic Spoon. Take advantage people, take advantage.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spoonful- No article about Texas is complete without mention of Texas Tommy Delay,the soon to be convict,and the biggest slimeball in the entire Congress.Texas Tommy is the quintessential Texas blowhard, who reminds daily why politicians are held in such low regard.So lets tip our ten gallon hats to Texas Tommy and hope he gets the type of sentence that he truly deserves.

March 30, 2006 9:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please urge your readers to call their U. S. Senators toll free at 888-355-3588 or 800-828-0498 and request that their Senator support Senator Feingold's censure resolution. Don't sit on your hands people. Call now ! Lets return Bush to Crawford , Texas where he belongs.

March 30, 2006 10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay boys and girls . How many of you have called your U.S. Senator to urge their support for Senator Feingold's censure resolution (show of hands please ) ? Tomorrow the Senate Judiciary convenes to consider Senator Feingold's motion to censure the president for ordering federal agencies to engage in eavesdropping in violation of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act's requirement that judicial approval be obtained for wiretaps of Americans in the United States. Ask your Senator to support the motion to censure.Call toll free at 800- 828 -0498.

March 30, 2006 1:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As I write this comment the U.S. senate is considering Senator Feingold's reolution to censure President Bush for domestic spying. Please call your senator NOW to request their support of Senator Feingold's courageous action.Call toll free at 800- 828-0498. Thank you.

March 31, 2006 11:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo spoonful - Since I wrote the comment above as we all know Texas Tommy DeLay announced his "retirement " from Congress.I guess Texas Tommy is starting to feel the heat. Hopefully he will get to spend some "time" back in his home state courtesy of the state.

April 05, 2006 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I left a message and it did not post. So I am testing to see if my computer is working correctly.

April 05, 2006 2:37 PM  

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