SPOON, FULL OF TRUTH

A heavy dose of truth, humor, and political activism.

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Location: Phila, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, January 26, 2007

THE SPOON GOES STIR CRAZY

CABIN FEVER
I am beginning to go absolutely stir-crazy. Since my accident just over two weeks ago it has been hard for me to leave the house. Because of my concussion (and post-concussion syndrome) I get really dizzy if I am on my feet for too long, making it hard to go anywhere and impossible to exercise. I rely on exercising several times a week to keep my blood sugars down and my anxiety levels in check. Without being able to go running, my system is all out of whack. I just don’t feel like myself. My head feels clouded. You know those first few minutes when you wake up in the morning before you’re really awake where you feel like you’re in a daze? I feel like that all the time. When I try to concentrate too hard on anything, I get a raging headache. My neck and back are also pretty sore making it difficult to find a comfortable position to lay or sit in. I never thought people were faking when they talked about whiplash from a car accident but I never knew just how much it affects you. I never appreciated how heavy my head was before. Day after day of attempting to keep my neck straight has made me realize I might have an oversized brain up there; it weighs a ton. I started physical therapy last week. The first 30 minutes are nice. I get electro-stimulation on my sore muscles and get covered in heavy heat wraps. The next 60 minutes aren’t nearly as enjoyable. It’s a lot of repetitive exercises. Turn my head left, wait six seconds, turn my head right, wait six seconds, repeat 20 times. That is just one of many, many exercises I have to do. By the end of a session I am sore and tired and can’t wait to go home. Then, I get home, and remember just how boring it is sitting around all day with nothing to do. I’m actually sick of playing video games and watching movies. If you know me on a personal level, this probably comes as somewhat of a shock. On top of all of this, I’ve started having nightmares about the accident. Does the fun ever end? I don’t mean to sit here and complain to all of you. I know that I was lucky to walk out of the car without more serious injuries (or possibly even losing my life). I just need to vent and you, my readers, are the closest thing I have to an audience. If you’re still reading this and haven’t skipped ahead to the next topic, I thank you. If anyone out there has been in an accident or similar situation that forced them to be homebound for a lengthy period, I would love any suggestions you have about how to pass the time, get some exercise, etc. You can use the comment tab at the bottom of this post or you can email me at Spoonfulloftruth@aol.com

UNPATRIOTIC
Superbowl 41 is set and I am happy to say that the Patriots are not a part of it. Those of you who have been Spoon readers since I first started posting over a year ago may recall my somewhat unfounded hatred of the New England Patriots. While attending University in Massachusetts I had to sit by and watch the Patriots beat the Rams to win the Superbowl. As all of my friends celebrated, I was mourning the NFC Championship loss of my beloved Eagles. The next year, the Patriots didn’t even make the playoffs. The Eagles were primed to go to the Superbowl but lost the NFC Championship game at home to the Bucs who went on to beat the Raiders. The following year, the Patriots were once again in the Superbowl and the Birds once again dropped the NFC Championship game at home (this time to the Panthers). The Patriots won their 2nd NFL title in three years. The following season, my Eagles finally made it to the big game only to lose by three points to the Patriots. I hate the Patriots. Why do they get to win so many Superbowls and Philadelphia can’t seem to win any? Somewhere along the way the Redsox also won the World Series. The Phillies haven’t been to the World Series in fourteen years and haven’t won it since 1980. Am I bitter? You bet your ass I am. I can deal with a team winning one championship, but why should they get so many when I haven’t even been able to celebrate one? Boston fans should understand my bitterness. After all, the Yankees NOT winning the World Series is almost as celebrated as the Redsox actually winning it. Until the Eagles win the Superbowl, I hope the Patriots struggle to even go 8-8.

GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS CAPITAL HILL, DO NOT COLLECT $200
On Tuesday, the House passed new legislation that will effectively strip lawmakers convicted of crimes such as bribery, fraud, and perjury of their congressional pensions. This is the latest effort by Congress to refurbish its scandal-scarred image. The measure passed by a vote of 431-0, just four days after former Rep. Bob Ney (R-Ohio) received a 30-month prison term for taking political favors from Jack Abramoff. Just last year, Ney (serving as chairman of House Administration) backed similar legislation. It did not pass. Because the new legislation is not retroactive, it will not affect Ney. He is still eligible for about $29,000 a year (of tax payer money) once he turns 62 years old in 2016. My generation isn’t even going to get to collect social security despite paying into it for years (thanks for living well past your projected life expectancy seniors) and these clowns get to collect a pension while in prison paid for by our tax dollars? I believe that if any elected official is convicted of a crime, not only should they never receive another dime of tax payer money, but they should have to repay every cent they made while in office as a charitable donation (and no, that does not include buying Neil Bush’s educational software for Katrina victims).

RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY
Has anyone come up with a politically correct term for “Indian Giver”? “Native-American Lender” perhaps? When I was a kid, we used the term to refer to someone who gave you something to keep and then later demanded that you return it. While many other terms we used as children have since been assigned a more P.C. term, I haven’t heard one for Indian Giver. Until someone comes up with a new term, I give you all permission to keep on using the old one (although in an ironic twist I might take that permission back at a later time).

WIFE OF THE YEAR
A 28 year old woman decided to induce labor last Friday so that her husband would not have to risk missing the Bears in the NFC Championship game (for which he had a ticket). The baby was originally due to be born on Monday. Tuesday, on American Idol, a father missed the birth of his second child to audition for the show. The judges selected him to move on to the next round in Hollywood. While watching the show, my wife turned to me and said, “You better not miss the birth of our children for anything,” I told her unless the Eagles are in the Superbowl the day she goes into labor, she has nothing to worry about. Maybe when we try to have a baby I’ll just make sure it’s at a time when the birth can’t possibly conflict with the end of football season. Either that or I’ll have to get them to wheel a TV into the maternity ward.

HEY, FAT BOY, YOU GONNA EAT THAT?
Philadelphia (as well as many other cities) is toying with the idea of banning restaurants from using Trans Fat. What ever happened to personal responsibility? I would understand if they passed a measure that required any restaurant that uses Trans Fat to clearly state it on the menu. There could even be a little warning like there is on cigarettes about the possible dangers of ingesting Trans Fat. But banning it? I’m sick of the government deciding that it knows what is best for all of us. If someone wants to spend all day eating foods loaded with Trans Fat, damage their system, become obese, and eventually have serious health problems, why shouldn’t they be able to? We haven’t banned high fructose corn syrup and that crap is awful for you. By forcing restaurants to mark menu items that contain Trans Fat, you take away those stupid law-suits (like the guy who sued Burger King claiming their food made him fat) and put responsibility in the consumer’s hands. Why should the government care? It’s not like we have universal health care here and all these fat people are going to become a terrible burden on the health care system at a cost to tax-payers. Listen up fat people, if you want to eat your Trans Fat you go right ahead and do it. However, don’t come complain to the rest of us when you pack on more pounds and suffer from poor health. That’s the trade off. You can have your fried foods and cakes or you can have your health. I think it should be up to each of us to make that decision on our own. Government, you stick your nose into everything else, please keep your “know it all” attitude out of my diet.

PREMATURE EVACUATION
President Bush, on a collision course with Congress over Iraq, said Friday "I'm the decision-maker" about sending more troops to the war. He challenged skeptical lawmakers not to prematurely condemn his plan. It seems to me that not prematurely condemning Bush’s war plan (or condemning it altogether) is what got us into this mess in the first place. When he told the country (and the world) that we were going there to find WMD’s, and the U.N. went in and said there was no sign of them, we shouldn’t have invaded Iraq. But we did. If Congress wasn’t so busy at the time raising their own pay, accepting bribes, wining and dining Christian leaders, molesting young men, and turning a blind eye to the cowboy antics of our leader in chief, we wouldn’t be in this mess. As they have countless times, they gave the OK and we went to war. Bravo.
Bush said lawmakers agree that failure in Iraq would be a disaster and that he chose a strategy that he and his advisers thought would help turn the tide in Iraq. Are these the same advisors who got us into this mess in the first place? Are they the same advisors that he used to deal with Katrina? Maybe they are the advisors that thought tax-payer money should be spent building a fence on the Mexican border. The guidance Bush has received from his advisors thus far is about as good as the advice you’d get if you asked Britney Spears for parenting tips. Bush later added, "Our policy is going to be to protect our troops. It makes sense." Asking Dick Cheney to be your hunting partner makes more sense George. How does sending more troops to escalate the violence make our troops safer? Maybe if you send the new troops directly into the line of fire the troops already there will be a little safer, but that’s just retarded. Yes Dubya, you are retarded. The way to make our troops safer is to pull them out of Baghdad and bring them back home. When was the last time a U.S. soldier was killed by a car or roadside bomb in the states? I think it’s become clear that Congress needs to not only oppose Bush and his backwards thinking, but find a way to take the decision making powers out of his hands. If Clinton could be impeached for a blow-job, it’s time we impeached Bush for fucking our entire country over.

PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW
That’s it for this week! Sorry my posts have been few and far between. Once I am recovered from my injuries and feel a little less clouded I will be back to my old self and able to bring you Truth on a more regular basis. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed today’s post and shared it with someone you know. The Truth is best enjoyed when shared with friends (tapas style). Don’t over do it though, just take it one Spoon, Full of it at a time. Everyone have a great weekend. If you’re in the move to nurture your creative side, I suggest you check out: www.mycmsite.com/juliajmiller
Spoon…out.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

ROAD TO RECOVERY


THE LUCK CONTINUES

On Sunday morning my father picked me up at my apartment to drive down to Washington DC to visit my brother who moved there last week. We quickly threw my bags into the trunk of our rental Chevy Malibu and hit the road. My brother was staying with a friend of my father and we planned to meet them around lunch time and then head out to watch the NFL playoff games. The drive down to DC was pretty uneventful. When we arrived in DC, we stopped briefly to refill the gas tank and use the bathroom. We were only about fifteen minutes from our destination. What happened next is somewhat of a blur. All I know is, I am lucky to be sitting here telling you all about it. We were at a busy intersection, in a less than desirable neighborhood, when somehow our car collided with another vehicle. After the initial impact (which I can’t recall) our car struck a second vehicle. This is where I thought the accident would come to an end. It did not. Somehow our car continued to pick up speed and we continued through the busy intersection. I had enough time to ask my father why we were still moving and all he could tell me (over and over) is that the brakes wouldn’t work. I knew that if he couldn’t stop, we were going to have another, harder collision. In that brief moment, I thought I had seen my last day on Earth. As I looked on in horror we jumped the curb and crashed through the wall of a liquor store. The force was incredible. The airbags deployed and I suddenly realized that I was still alive. I could see smoke coming from the front of the car and began to panic that the car would catch fire. My father couldn’t get his door to open but thankfully mine was able to open about half way. I got out of the car and my dad was able to move across the seat and make his way out of the car. I was totally in a daze. A crowd of people began to form around the car. Two guys in a tow-truck had seen the accident and stopped. They asked me if I was okay. I told them that I thought I was. My neck and back hurt a little, as did my face where it had struck the airbag, and I couldn’t stop shaking. My father kept telling me he couldn’t find his glasses. I figured that if the missing glasses were his biggest concern, that he must also be okay. Some of the people who were gathered around the car began trying to open the doors and go through the car. I yelled at them to get away. The car was filled with our luggage as well as several items we had brought for my brother and I didn’t want anything getting stolen amidst all the confusion. I removed my bag that contained my insulin and diabetic supplies from the trunk and held it with me. I began to get dizzy and had to sit down on the sidewalk. I’m not sure how much time passed but I soon heard the sound of sirens and before long an ambulance, fire-truck, and police cars were on the scene. We both refused to be taken in an ambulance to the hospital. I was too dazed and figured that I wasn’t hurt. Shortly thereafter a news reporter showed up and tried to get our story. We refused. My brother (who had come to the accident scene with our friend Dan) pointed into the liquor store (where the wall had been) and jokingly asked if I needed a drink. When the police were done getting our stories, my brother (Josh) and Dan helped us to get our things into cabs. When we returned to Dan’s apartment my father began to complain of chest and back pains and we took him to the hospital. He was admitted and they put him in a neck brace and gave him CT scans, an EKG test, and administered fluids. They asked if I wanted to be admitted. I did not. The Eagles game was starting in less than an hour. Once I knew my father was okay (his chest pains were due to the seat belt and not heart problems) Dan, Josh, and I left him at the hospital and went to an Eagles bar (called Rhino) in DC where I watched my Eagles win a victory over the lowly Giants. The next day my neck was very sore, my head hurt, and my rib area was sore. It got worse the next day and worse the day after. I had been to a Doctor to get checked out and had a concussion, whip lash, and bruising around my ribs (from the seatbelt). I spend all of last week laid up on the couch in a daze (which is why there were no truth-filled Spoon posts…I know you were all going nuts). Considering how bad the actual accident was, we were lucky we weren't killed or seriously hurt. I am feeling a little better this week on my road to recovery and am once again able to bring you all the truth you rely on and enjoy. Thanks to those of you who called or wrote to check on me.

GOLDEN GLOBES
Award shows make me sick. I choose to avoid watching them whenever possible. Last night, while watching TV, I caught a clip of the Golden Globes. Some actress I had never seen before had just won an award for her TV show “Ugly Betty”. She came up to the podium and began to cry and thank countless people for the award. It was ridiculous. She acted as if Earth was about to be destroyed and she had just been selected as one of a hundred humans who would be sent into outer-space to insure the existence of earthlings. When are we going to stop awarding actors and musicians endlessly? Great, you sold more CD’s than anyone else in your music genre. Wonderful, your TV show was watched by millions and hailed by critics, but why does that deserve an award? Why is our culture so obsessed with celebrities? Why don’t we give awards for the most money donated to charity or the most public service? I still think we need to add in awards for the worst song and worst show of the year. Instead of rewarding the “great” performers, why don’t we call out the awful ones? You might get me to tune in for that.

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!
A radio station in Sacramento California held a contest last week and a 28 year old mother of three entered to try to win a Nintendo Wii for her kids. The contest was a water drinking competition to see much water a person could drink without going to the bathroom. In the final round the woman drank almost a gallon before dropping out. She called out of work the next day complaining of feeling ill and was reported to have been crying from severe pain. The next day she was found dead. She had consumed too much water, her brain swelled, and she died. The radio station fired ten people including their promotional manager and the morning radio hosts. Already the talks of her family suing the radio station have begun. I’m not sure the radio station should be held accountable. While the contest might be stupid, no one forced her to do it. I feel bad for her but I think this might have to be one of those cases where no one is to blame. She could have dropped out of the contest at any point but was obviously more concerned with winning than with her health. If she didn’t research the risk of consuming too much water in advance, isn’t that her own fault? I’m not saying that she deserved what she got; she did not. It was a tragedy. However, I think that we have long since forgotten about personal responsibility in this country.

FUN FACT OF THE DAY:
Aibohphobia is the fear of Palindromes.

REAL LIFE MONOPOLY
A tiny nation, complete with its own flag, stamps and passport, is up for sale. That’s right folks, for the mere price of $975 Million you can now own the nation of Sealand. Sealand, which has its own passport and currency, is basically an old artillery platform which sits in the North Sea. It is recognized by some nations, but not by its closest neighbor, Britain. It has been suggested that the tiny country, which has eight rooms in each of its two towers, could be a base for online gambling or offshore banking. If I had a billion dollars lying around, I think I’d like to buy Sealand. Of course I’d want to rename it. Spoonland has a nice ring to it. Here are a few quick ideas for my new nation:
National Plant: Marijuana.
National Bird: My middle finger.
Guy on the dollar bill: Me.
The number one export of Spoonland: Truth.

MINIMUM WAGE TO RISE AS DEMOCRATS SHINE
Last week, The House voted to raise the federal minimum wage for the first time in a decade, to $7.25 an hour, as majority Democrats marched through their 100-hour agenda at the dawn of a new Congress. It’s about time. The legislation, which now goes to the Senate, would raise the current $5.15 minimum to $5.85 effective 60 days after the measure became law. The minimum would go to $6.55 a year later and $7.25 a year after that. It came as little surprise that Republicans were opposed to the wage hike. They only wanted a hike when coupled with tax-cuts for business owners. It is likely that in order to get approval from President Bush (who is also opposed to the stand-alone hike) Democrats will have to agree to some tax-cuts for businesses. Whether tax-cuts become part of the bill or not, it is a welcomed sign of change that the Dems are already trying to make a few changes in their first weeks in power.

PARDON ME; DO YOU HAVE ANY GREY POUPON?
Why is everyone acting like this Scooter Libby trial is so important? What do they think is going to come out of it? Dubya is going to pardon Scooter Libby if he’s found guilty of anything so Scooter should just bite the bullet and take one for “the team”. Why even give Cheney a chance to take the stand? Bush can even pardon Libby in advance so that if he’s found guilty, it won’t matter. It’s not like Dubya will be the first one to use his presidential pardon to get some of his buddies out of trouble. Clinton certainly did it, every president does. This is the perfect time for all of Bush’s buddies to own up to their crimes so that they can get pardoned before Dubya leaves office. Plead guilty fellas! Why the hell not? Georgie will give all of you good old boys the presidential treatment. You won’t see the inside of a jail cell any more than George saw live-combat in the military.

MORE FUEL FOR THE FIRE
Bush’s proposal to send an extra 17,500 troops into Baghdad to help get control of the city is just another example of his piss-poor decision making and his attempt to hold someone else accountable for his blunders. At the beginning of the war, General Eric Shinseki told Bush in simple terms that we would need 300,000 or more troops in order to properly conduct our military actions in Iraq. What did Bush do? He basically fired him and replaced him with a “yes man” who told Bush everything he wanted to hear; lower troop amounts would be sufficient. Sending more troops now would be like firefighters arriving at a burning building and deciding that there was no way they could put out the fire so they might as well throw some gasoline on it to make it burn down more quickly. The only problem is that fire spreads. The more you fuel it, the bigger it gets. That’s exactly what is going to happen if we send more troops in, it’s just more fuel for the fire. So why is Dubya set on sending more troops? There are a few reasons. His buddies hold all the defense contracts. A longer war means more money in their pockets. Bush also wants to keep the war going long enough that he leaves office before it ends. That way, either the Democratic Senate or the new Democratic president (if one is elected) will be responsible for pulling the troops out and the even bigger mess that will occur when that happens. Then, Georgie-boy and his goon squad can point the finger of blame at the Democrats and say that they didn’t give him all the tools he needed to finish the job and pulled out before it was over. The fact is the war will never be over until one side stops fighting. We are the occupiers; they will never stop fighting us. The American people have spoken. The Democrats have taken back Capital Hill and they now need to stand up to the President and reflect the will of the people to stop escalating the war in Iraq and bring our troops home. The war is NEVER going to be won. We can send more troops, lose more lives, spend more money, and have the same end result, or we can start to pull out now. It’s time to stop pouring more fuel on the fire. We might not be able to extinguish it, but we shouldn’t let it burn any longer than it has to.

NEXT YEAR
The two most famous words in Philly sports history. Next Year. Looks like it’s another year of “next year” for my hometown Eagles although I’m proud of the run they went on to even make the playoffs, win in the first round, and almost beat the Saints on the road. I’d also like to send a quick congrats out to my brother who is now living in DC, working on PBS’s “News Hour with Jim Lehrer”. I saw Bush interviewed on the show last night and although Lehrer asked him many decent questions, Dubya talked around them as always. If I were interviewing him, I would have responded to his avoidance by saying, “Thank you for that interesting tidbit of information Mr. President but could you please answer the question I asked you now?”
As for the Spoon, you’re going to have to wait until “next post” for any more truth. That’s all I have for today people. Please use the comment tab at the bottom of this post to weigh in on any of them numerous things I touched on today.
Don't forget to check out: www.mycmsite.com/juliajmiller (you'll be happy you did).
Spoon…out.

Friday, January 05, 2007

HAPPY NEW YEAR! THE SPOON IS BACK!

new year.jpg
WELCOME BACK

Hello loyal Spoon readers and welcome to the first post of 2007! I hope everyone managed to have a happy holiday season and a great new year and are getting off on the right foot in 2007. This year also marks the final push of eight years of hell with George “Dubya” Bush as our bumbling President. It feels good to get the Spoon up and running again after a short vacation, I hope you’re all as excited to read it as I was to write it. With that said, let’s get right to the Truth! Dig in, it’s Spoon time!
YO, EVERYBODY
I recently had the pleasure of attending opening night of “Rocky Balboa” in the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia. Rocky seems to bring out the best in all of us, the little guy with a heart of gold who never met a challenge he wasn’t up for. Even when he didn’t win the decision in the ring, he always managed to win the moral victory and a few more fans. If you are a Philadelphia native, or have adopted Philadelphia as your home, Rocky will always hold a special place in your heart. If it doesn’t, you have probably taken a few too many shots to the head yourself. Rocky is the only true champion of Philadelphia. In a city that hasn’t won a major sports title in 24 years, we’ll take what we can get. Those visiting Philly flock to the Rocky statue in droves. Whether it be at its original location at the top of the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art (fondly referred to as “the Rocky steps,”) at its second home outside of the Philadelphia Spectrum (former home of the Flyers and 76ers and site of a few epic Rocky fights) or at its new home at the bottom of the Rocky steps, it continues to be a major draw to tourists. Whenever I have visitors from out of town, it is a major priority to visit the statue--more important than seeing Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, or the Declaration of Independence. It’s been decades since Rocky defeated the likes of Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang, Ivan Draggo, and Tommy Gunn. Philadelphia thought that it had seen the last of Rocky. We were wrong. When I first heard the rumors of Rocky 6, I wasn’t sure what to think. I was told that Rocky was returning as a coach for his son (as he had for Tommy Gunn in Rocky 5). When I found out he’d be fighting again, all I could think of was all of the awful pictures I had seen of Sly Stallone in recent years and the toll the years (and plastic surgery) had taken on him. How would this effect the Rocky character? I was in the Irish Pub on Walnut Street last February when they came in to film scenes for the movie. It was exciting to be there amongst the fans and movie crew. The buzz was building. A few months ago I saw the first preview for the movie. My wife couldn’t understand why I was so excited. She would learn. The theatre was filled on opening night and you could feel electricity in the air. The lights dimmed, and the previews played. Then, the Rocky theme began to play. Chills went down my spine. The theatre erupted into cheers. I heard the man behind me turn to his wife and say, (with the utmost seriousness) “Honey, are you getting teary eyed? I am.” I myself felt a little teary eyed, but managed to hold them back. Throughout the movie the theatre overflowed with cheers. Philly’s favorite son had returned for one final fight. When the movie came to an end, it received a standing ovation. I always found it odd when the occasional person clapped at the end of a movie. Who were they cheering for, the guy running the projector? On this night, opening night of the final Rocky in my hometown of Philadelphia, the ovation seemed fitting. I stood, along side my Philly brothers and sisters, and I cheered. This was my wife’s first Rocky experience but it was about the best I could have hoped for. It would be like going to the Superbowl for your first football game. She was hooked. My mother-in-law gave me the DVD of the original Rocky for Christmas in Canada. We watched it on the flight home. I couldn’t stop singing the Rocky theme on the flight. At least we were heading to Philly which probably made it seem a little less odd to those seated around me. When we arrived back home, I discovered that my cable company had all five Rocky’s available in HD (to watch for free). We spent New Year’s weekend watching Rocky 2 through Rocky 5. It was beautiful. My wife now loves Rocky. Along with her new found love of the Philadelphia Eagles, I think she’s finally been infected by the true spirit of Philadelphia. We are a city of champions without a championship. We are the underdogs who get overlooked or counted out, but keep on fighting. Rocky embodies everything we are. Part of me wishes he could keep on fighting forever. The rest of me knows he can’t. I’m not sure if Philadelphia will ever have another icon like Rocky, but then again, do we really need one? One day the Eagles, Phillies, Flyers, or 76ers will win the title, and Philly will finally have the street-cred it deserves. In the meantime, we will continue to take our emotional beatings and keep coming back. We will keep believing, we will keep fighting, and we will never give up. Yo, Philly, we did it!
STARTING OFF THE NEW YEAR WITH A BANG
I’ve had quite a string of luck leading up to the New Year and continuing into 2007. The wife and I bought tickets in late November to a black-tie gala in Philadelphia at the National Constitution Center on New Year’s Eve. The event (for which 1800 tickets were available) quickly sold out. Two tickets had cost us $200 (total) and I soon found many listings on Craigslist for people who wanted tickets. Some were offering $400 for a pair. We decided it would be best to sell the tickets, get our $200 back, and have $200 to spend on another NYE event. I made arrangements to sell them and later that same day won a raffle for two more tickets to the same event. In the end, we got to go to the event for free, and made a $200 profit. There’s nothing like ringing in the New Year in your tux, with your beautiful wife dressed to the nines, drinking free drinks, and watching midnight fire-works. It was an amazing night. The week before, I had signed up to do a paid focus group. I was supposed to show up, give my opinions for three hours, and then be paid $250 in cash. When I showed up to do the focus group (the night before leaving for Christmas in Canada) I was told that it had been overbooked. My name was randomly selected and I was paid the $250 and sent home. On Christmas day, my Philadelphia Eagles easily defeated T.O. and the Dallas Cowgirls and the following week went on to clinch the division before they had even played their final game. When the Eagles were 5-6 and being counted out, I said we could still make the playoffs. I was right. Three separate times this week I have gone to purchase an item in a store (all in different stores) and had the item ring up for much less than the price listed. The last two items I purchased on Ebay arrived quickly and actually contained not only the items I had paid for, but other items as well. I bought two Flyers vs. Maple Leafs tickets and the envelope also contained a Flyers ticket for another game. I also bought a rookie card for a basketball player and not only got that card, but a limited edition of another card for which only 1000 cards were made. I’m on a hot streak! Come on lucky #7, poppa needs a new pair of shoes!
RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM THE FIRST WEEK OF 2007
*I walked past a Starbucks today and there was a sign on the front door that read: “Breastfeeding welcome here”. Is anyone really offended by breast feeding? If it weren’t for breast feeding, humans wouldn’t be here. Our ancestors all would have died off. Baby formula hasn't existed forever. It's a recent thing. Should we start telling people they can't ride bikes now that cars have been invented? Babies need to eat when they are hungry. Yes, sometimes they get hungry in public. There’s a reason breasts produce nutrient-rich milk. It’s to feed babies. I don’t think there should be any need for a sign that says: “Breastfeeding welcome here”. I think instead they should have a sign that says: “If you can’t handle breastfeeding, go get coffee elsewhere”. Who knows, that woman breastfeeding her baby in the corner might even be willing to share a little with you if the carafe of half-and-half is empty. The point is, if the mother is comfortable enough to take her breast out in public in order to feed her child, then the rest of us should be okay with it too. It's nature. To think anything less is what's truly unnatural. *Did anyone else think the hanging of Saddam Hussein flew under the radar? Didn’t Dubya and his goons claim that we were invading Iraq to remove Saddam from power and keep him from using his alleged WMD’s? Then, the guy gets executed and it gets next to no press coverage. Something just doesn’t sit right with me. I’m not saying the guy shouldn’t have been executed, but the fact that the hanging seemed to be so rushed and the fact that it got so little press makes me a little suspicious.
*Why is that doctors and lawyers insist on their job title being included in their name? “Excuse me, Mr. Smith, your table is ready” “Actually, it’s DOCTOR Smith!” It’s the same with lawyers (using Esquire). It is one thing if I’m in my doctor’s office, then I have no problem calling him doctor because it’s a work setting. Why do doctors and lawyers think that they are so special that they should be referred to by their job titles at all time? I don’t ask to be called Journalist Miller. Mr. Miller is just fine. If we’re not going to address everyone by their job title, I don’t think we should make concessions for medical and legal professionals.
*There’s a video game out (Left Behind: Eternal Forces) based on Christian novels where the player must convert heathens in order to allow them to get into heaven. The series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins is based on their interpretation of the Bible's Book of Revelation and takes place after the Rapture, when Jesus has taken his people to heaven and left nonbelievers behind to face the Antichrist. If the heathens can’t be converted, the player can use weapons to gun them down and kill them (which causes a slight energy level drop in the player’s character). No worries though folks, the player can always regain energy by praying. The game is being carried by Wal-Mart (the same company who often refuses to carry other items that are far less offensive to non-Christians). This makes me sick.
*The Pentagon is calling for more troops (about 9,000 I believe) to be sent to Iraq. Does the whole, “End the war by escalating it” theory seem ass-backwards to anyone else? We’re supposed to be finding a way out of Iraq and the best they have to offer is that we send more troops to speed up the process. We could probably send another million troops to Iraq and we still couldn’t win over there. We need to bring our troops home, not send more to die. Think about it.
*Pat Robertson is at it again. In his annual attempt to make predictions for the coming year (based on his alleged conversations with god) he claimed that there will be a catastrophic attack (killing millions) somewhere on the planet in the later part of 2007. He didn’t say it would be in the U.S., but wouldn’t rule it out. He also said god didn’t tell him it would be a nuclear attack, but something along those lines. Wow, you really narrowed it down for us Pat. Next time you speak with god, do you think you could get a little more specific information? Sometime this year, somewhere on earth, with some kind of weapon, people will be killed. Aside from the fact that he is totally full of it, shouldn’t the Department of Homeland Security arrest him for making terrorist threats? If he has direct knowledge (from god no less) of upcoming terrorist attacks and is holding out, shouldn’t he be on a one-way flight to Gitmo? It just goes to show that crazy right-wing Christians can still get a way with a hell of a lot more than the rest of us. Either that, or Pat Robertson doesn’t really talk to god. Who knows, if god really speaks to Pat Robertson and George Bush, maybe we shouldn’t care what he has to say anyway. Next time you have some useful info for America god, give me a buzz instead of these clowns. You can even call collect.
*Keith Ellison, the first Muslim elected to Congress, will use a Koran once owned by Thomas Jefferson during his ceremonial swearing-in Thursday to make the point that "religious differences are nothing to be afraid of." I think he’s right on one account. He should be able to swear in on the bible, Koran, torah, or anything else he sees fit to swear in on. However, religious differences are clearly something to be afraid of. Why do you think we’re at war with Iraq? Why were we attacked on 9/11? Why are Iraqis killing each other? Why was Ireland torn apart by fighting? What is the cause of almost every major war and the biggest “justification” for killing that man has ever known? Religion. Some moronic critics have argued that only a Bible should be used for the swearing-in. Last month, Rep. Virgil Goode (R-VA) warned that unless immigration is tightened, "many more Muslims" will be elected and follow Ellison's lead. Ellison was born in Detroit and converted to Islam in college. Why is a bible used at all? What happened to separation of church and state? And why should it matter if Muslims follow Ellison’s lead? Have we outlawed Muslims running for public office and no one bothered to tell me? For a country that is supposed to be founded on religious tolerance, we have a hell of a lot to learn.
*Nancy Pelosi was sworn in today as the first ever female leader of the House. I think this is a big step for women in politics and should not be overlooked. Could a female President soon follow?
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY
You know what? Screw the academy. I’d like to thank YOU, my readers for continuing to read (and share) the Spoon, Full of Truth. It’s really great to get all the feedback from everyone and I urge you to use the comment feature (a small button at the end of each post) to comment on the Truth of the day. Maybe you loved something, maybe you hated something, or maybe you just have to put in your two cents. Whatever you have to say, this is your chance to be heard. Once again, I would also like to send a special thank you to my uncle Michael Miller for finally awarding me with the "WORLD'S GREATEST GRILLED CHEESE MAKER" trophy that I have deserved for so long. I take my title very seriously and will display my trophy for all to see. Check back soon to get more Truth, straight from the Spoon. Spoon, Full of Truth: The alternative to getting forked.