A heavy dose of truth, humor, and political activism.

Location: Phila, Pennsylvania, United States

Wednesday, June 28, 2006


RUSH TO JUDGEMENT With so little blood flowing to the brain of Rush Limbaugh, you'd assume there would be plenty left over to sustain the functions of the rest of his portly body. That would be a bad assumption. Limbaugh, who recently reached a deal with prosecutors on his "doctor shopping" charge of illegally obtaining pain killers by deceiving multiple doctors, was detained for several hours in the Palm Beach airport when he was found with prescription drugs in his possession, without a prescription. It was not a bottle of pain killers. This time, it was Viagra. Some women may be attracted to over-weight, pig-headed, loud-mouthed idiots but the only thing harder than Limbaugh's drug-induced erection is believing that anyone would want to have sex with him. Who knows, maybe it's a sweet twist of irony that he was detained in PALM beach. These things happen to lots of guys. Try to keep your head up Rush, no pun intended. STATE OF THE MORON ADDRESS The New York Times, along with the Los Angeles Times and the Wall Street Journal, revealed last week that Treasury officials, beginning shortly after September 11, 2001, had obtained access to an extensive international financial data base, the Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Telecommunication. President Bush said Monday it was "disgraceful" that the news media had disclosed a secret CIA-Treasury program to track millions of financial records in search of terrorist suspects. The White House accused The New York Times of breaking a long tradition of keeping wartime secrets. If I were the head of the New York Times, I'd accuse the White House of continuing the long tradition of unjust wars and using them for personal political agenda. "The fact that a newspaper disclosed it makes it harder to win this war on terror," Bush said. Want to know something else that makes it harder to win the war on terror? Staying the course in Iraq when Iraq had nothing to do with the war on terror in the first place. If anything, going to war with Iraq and continuing to stay there has only made winning the war on terror more difficult. Our resources for breaking up terrorist networks are instead tied up in Iraq. Killing members of al-Qaida in Iraq won't help win the war on terror, one dies, three more join up. Giving them less fodder to hate us sure would help. al-Qaida also believes they are fighting the war on terror. They see George Bush the same way George Bush sees Osama Bin Laden. The New York Times late last year also disclosed that the National Security Agency had been conducting warrant-less surveillance in the United States since 2002 of people with suspected al-Qaida ties. If our government didn't have such a history of shady dealings, maybe papers wouldn't publish stories that the White House considers "war time secrets". At this point, they should publish everything. We, as citizens, deserve to know what our government is up to. BRETT MYERS SERVES UP A ONE-HITTER FRIDAY IN BEAN TOWN Sadly, for Phillies Fans, the one hit was (allegedly) a punch to the face of his wife, and not a sparkling outing on the pitching mound at Fenway. Later that evening, in typical abused spouse fashion, she posted his $200 bond, and bailed his sorry ass out of jail. The Phillies, not wanting to let something silly like domestic battery stand in the way of his next start, let Myers pitch on Saturday night. He lost. The Phillies, feeling the heat from several women's rights groups after allowing him to pitch after his arrest, have now told Myers to take a leave of absence from the team until after the All-Star break in mid July. As a Phillies fan I feel disgusted that the organization allowed Myers to make his start Saturday night. If they hadn't felt any public pressure, it's clear they would have taken no action. If they were really serious about reprimanding Myers, they would have done so before Saturday. I guess it just goes to show that athletes do not have to follow the same code of conduct as the rest of us. They are constantly being arrested for domestic battery, drugs, assault, and other various charges and get nothing more than a slap on the wrists. If Myers is allowed to rejoin the team in a few weeks, I urge the first opposing pitching to face him when he bats, to hit him in the face. I think even Phillies fans would cheer for that (it's not like we have much else to cheer for these days). FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS DRINK AND DRIVE, PHONE DOESN'T LET OWNERS DRINK AND DIAL Chances are, you've awoken one morning after a night of drinking and upon checking your cell phone, realized that you had made a call to someone the night before that you probably shouldn't have. If this has never happened to you, consider yourself lucky. I've been guilty of drunk dialing a few times myself. Sometimes you get lucky and it's nothing worse than a few embarrassing comments to a friend. Sometimes, when you call someone like an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, it can be a lot worse. Enter the new LG phone (model LP4100). This phone (available soon in the U.S.) comes complete with a built in breathalyzer test. You blow into a little hole and in seconds it will warn you if you've been drinking too much to drive. It even has a little graphic of a little weaving car hitting traffic cones (perhaps in case you've had so many drinks that you can't even read). As if that wasn't enough, there is also a feature that prohibits you from drunk dialing the wrong people! You can select certain people in your phone book (ex's, co-workers, etc) and if you have a blood alcohol level over .08, the phone will not let you dial that person. This sure would have saved me a few shreds of dignity on certain nights. My wife has a habit of calling me when she's a little tipsy (and out of town) and singing "Sexual Healing" to me over the phone. Maybe I can get her a phone that automatically dials me when she's had a few too many. It would at least save her from having to dial my number herself. All in all I think this phone is a great idea. People no longer have to trust their own will power. Now, like taking a picture, or getting directions, your phone can do it for you. MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHAT'S THE GREATEST BLOG OF THEM ALL? That's right, you guessed it, it's the Spoon, Full of Truth! Check back later this week for another truth filled glimpse into this crazy world. If you don't, my magic mirror will come to your house and tell you that you're ugly.

Thursday, June 22, 2006


REPUBLICANS WAGE WAR ON MINIMUM WAGE Republicans followed their own rhetoric of “stay the course” in another blindly selfish and harmful way this week when they voted against a bill to raise the minimum wage. The current minimum wage of $5.15 an hour has been in effect for almost a decade. The Senate vote marked the ninth time since 1997 that Democrats there have proposed, and Republicans have blocked, a stand-alone increase in the minimum wage. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass, proposed a bill that would increase the minimum wage to $5.85 beginning 60 days after the legislation was enacted; to $6.55 one year later; and to $7.25 a year after that. He said inflation has eroded the value of the current $5.15 minimum wage by 20 percent. "I am opposed to it, and I think a vast majority of our (rank and file) is opposed to it," House Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, said Tuesday. Shocker there; Republicans are opposed to giving a little more to the poor. It is after all, election time. While Democrats depend on organized labor to win elections, Republicans are closely aligned with big-business interests that oppose any increase in the federal wage floor or changes in the current system. The Republican party is no longer a political party, it is a business. It is a corporation that offers to protect the interest of other profitable corporations. Why would corporations want an increase in the minimum wage? I'm sure, if they could, they would do away with the minimum wage altogether. The Republicans will continue to spew the company line, saying that a minimum wage increase would wind up hurting the low-wage workers that Democrats said they want to help. "For every increase you make in the minimum wage, you will cost some of them their jobs," said Sen. Johnny Isakson, R-Ga. Poor corporate America! Let me just pause here for a second to allow you all to shed a tear for the major corporations and their financial woes. The Republican line states that if you put more money in the pockets of the rich that it will trickle down to the middle class and the poor. They are dead wrong. The rich get richer. The poor stay poor. Interestingly enough, during the nine year period that the Republicans have shot down the nine proposals by Democrats to raise the minimum wage, Ted Kennedy said that the annual salaries of lawmakers have risen by about $30,000. He also said a worker who earns the minimum wage will make approximately $10,700 a year. Over the last decade these clowns have given themselves raises that alone earn them more in a year than a minimum wage worker makes in three. Yet they won't even consider giving our nation’s poor an extra dollar an hour. These people have no choice. Work for minimum wage, or join the military. It works right into the hands of the GOP. How different things would be if U.S. citizens went to the polls and voted on pay raises (and decreases) for lawmakers instead of lawmakers voting on it themselves. It is easy to stay the course when you aren't the one on the course. It’s easy to say, “keep our soldiers in Iraq” or “keep our minimum wages low” if it doesn't effect you. I think every lawmaker who votes to stay the course on these issues should have to fly to Iraq, relieve a soldier there so they can come home, stay until the rest of the troops come home, and then come back to America and earn $5.15 an hour for 3 years. BUSH FAMILY VALUES U.S. code states the following: TITLE 4 > CHAPTER 1 > § 8§ 8. Respect for flag: The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature. Now please refer to the photo at the top of this post (bottom photo). Who is that signing his name on the old Red, White, and Blue? Duh. It's Dubya. Another classic Bush example of "Do as I say, not as I do". Aren't Republicans the ones so up in arms about meaningless issues like flag burning? Personally, I'd rather see a thousand U.S. flags being burned than see this joke of a President sign his name on even one more of them. George Bush signing his name on the U.S. flag is more offensive than OJ's claim that he's going to find Nicole Brown's real killer. In other Bush news this week, Bush's nephew, Pierce "What Me Worry" Bush, son of George's brother Neil Bush (lover of Asian hookers, savings and loan thief, and producer of the computer software being offered to Katrina victims as a "relief aid") showed that like the rest of the Bush family, he knows how to party. In the second photo shown at the top of this post (top photo), You can see young Pierce Bush enjoying himself at a college party with his half-naked, much older man friend. Those Bush's sure can party. Why not kick back and enjoy yourself? It's not like there is a war going on. Isn't that a bottle of beer in his hand? I guess they've lowered the drinking age in Texas to 20. Then again, compared to Uncle George's cocaine binges, what's a few beers at a frat party? What do you think a Bush family reunion weekend is like? Everyone sits around the camp fire and shares tales of draft dodging, drug/alcohol use, and fraud (financial and election). When that's done, they all deface the U.S. flag, and wipe their butts with the original copies of the constitution. Sounds like a hoot. For crying out loud, will you idiots PLEASE stop the Bushit. HOLE IN ONE MILLION Two weekends ago I went to Delaware to open up my family's shore house for the summer. My wife, Julia, and my friend Alan came with me. Alan and I have always been mini-golf fanatics and there is no shortage of mini-golf courses at the shore so the three of us decided to indulge ourselves and play a few courses. The first course was an Australian theme and Alan won. The second course was a Pirate theme. I won that one. No one pirate golf's like I pirate golf. This course had a 19th hole where you had to hit the ball up a tiny ramp, off a jump and into a treasure chest. It is all but impossible. I came the closest to getting the free game but none of us proved worthy. Julia is a good sport and enjoys mini-golf but never really beats Alan or I. We've been playing since we were little kids and have fully honed our skills. Last summer, while Julia and I were playing indoor Ocean-theme mini-golf, she scored her first hole in one. I think that's when she really started to like mini-golf. A little taste of success can go a long way. After Pirate golf, we moved on to Safari golf. It was a tight game and was very close until the very end when Alan pulled away and won. This course also had a 19th hole for the free game. You had to hit the ball up a ramp, off a jump and into the mouth of a hippo (complete with many teeth to block the ball's entry). Alan went first and missed. I went second and missed. Julia asked if I wanted to hit her ball for her and I told her no. Although I might have a better chance of winning, it would mean so much more if she did it herself. She put the ball of the mat, took her little swing, and the ball flew straight into the hippo's mouth. Hole in one. The walk-way back to the office to return the clubs and claim and the free game is about 50 yards long. The wife half skipped, half galloped, and half ran (yes I am aware that is three halves) her way to the office and proudly received her free game ticket. I don't think the guy working there had ever seen such an excited reaction. She did the same cute shuffle back to the hippo where we took her picture with the hippo as she held up her free game. The sign above the hippo read, "Free game for ball in mouth". It was a great moment in her mini-golf career and I just wanted to give it the recognition it deserves. WHERE DID JUNE GO? Does anyone else feel like June just flew by? Crazy. It feels like this post just flew by too doesn't it? You just started reading and now it's come to an end. Don't fret, check back soon, for an all new edition of the Spoon.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


KIDNAPPED GI's FOUND MURDERED IN IRAQ, SEARCH FOR BUSH'S MISSING COMMON SENSE CONTINUES File this under: DUH! Despite the plans of Dubya and his goons, al-Qaida in Iraq did not throw up their arms in defeat after we dropped a few 500 pound bombs on their leader. There was, it seems, just one flaw is Bush's plan, common sense. We bomb them, they bomb us, we bomb them back, they'll just give up, right? The way to end the fighting isn't with more fighting. For every al-Qaida member we kill (especially their leaders who instantly achieve martyr status upon death) three more will rise to take up the cause. The way to end the fighting is (drum roll please) to END the fighting. The two American soldiers (ages 23 and 25) who were kidnapped last week in Iraq were found today, they had been murdered in "barbaric" fashion by members of al-Qaida. But didn't we blow up their leader? How can they keep killing people? They can't just appoint a new leader, can they George? Bush hardly batted an eyelash. These soldiers are just like G. I. Joe action figures to him. If he loses a few he can just have his daddy get him some more to replace them. If one of these young men was the son of the President, or a member of Congress, would the Bush party line still be "stay the course"? You'd be hard pressed to find many (if any) children of members of the House or Senate risking their lives on the front lines in Iraq. I guess part of "stay the course" is making sure their children stay safely at home in the United States. It's time to stray from the course. We need to concentrate on problems here at home. We spend billions and billions of dollars to fight this war but can't find the money to give every American health insurance. We can give young men and women guns and send them to war but we can't give most children a decent education. There is a $350,000 fine for saying "fuck" on television but leaking information about the CIA goes unpunished. While we're in Iraq, North Korea is getting ready to test their missiles, China owns our war debt, Iran and Russia can do whatever they please. It's time to bring our soldiers and our tax dollars home and ship Dubya and his merry men off to Iraq...for good. E-Z PASS NOW ACCEPTED FOR 4TH AMENDMENT BYPASS Offices in the Homeland Security Department and Justice Department, including the FBI and U.S. Marshal's Service, and municipal police departments in numerous states are using a new E-Z Pass to circumvent the 4th Amendment, private-sector data brokers. These data brokers collect information about American citizens by any means necessary, often even breaking the law to do so. They have gotten into customer accounts online, tricked phone companies into revealing information, impersonated companies and individuals, and even acknowledged that their practices violate laws, according to documents gathered by congressional investigators and provided to The Associated Press. Instead of getting a subpoena or a warrant, law enforcement officials can just buy the information they want from one of these brokers. They claim that it is much faster than waiting the 30-45 days that the legal process could take. Couldn't illegal immigrants just use this same argument? "I didn't want to wait the three or more years to legally obtain citizenship and figured it'd just be faster to pay some guy $100 to sneak me across the border". Legal experts say law enforcement agencies would be permitted to use illegally obtained information from private parties without violating the Fourth Amendment's protection against unlawful search and seizure, as long as police did not encourage any crimes to be committed. Buying information that you know was possibly obtained illegally isn't encouraging the behavior? If you steal a car stereo, and I buy it from you (not knowing it was stolen but certainly knowing that it was possible) and then offer to buy more of them from you at a later date, aren't I encouraging you to steal more? Congressional investigators estimated the U.S. government spent $30 million last year buying personal data from private brokers. That number likely understates the broad scope of the transactions, because many brokers said they rarely charge law enforcement agencies any price. None of the police agencies interviewed by AP said they bothered to research these data brokers to determine how they secretly gather sensitive information like names associated with unlisted numbers, records of phone calls, e-mail aliases, credit information, or even tracing a person's location using their cellular phone signal. This is dangerous. Law enforcement no longer needs to work within the confines of the law. Let me repeat that. In order to "enforce the law", law enforcement officials are gathering (sometimes purchasing) information from groups who break the law in order to obtain said information. Breaking the law to uphold the law. Scary. While law enforcement is busy spying on us, gathering our personal information by any means necessary, who is watching them? It is the media's job to watch the government to assure that their actions do not go unchecked. The media is failing. Who is watching the media to make sure they are doing their job? It should be the public. We already know who's watching the public, big brother and their new friends, the data-brokers.
CINCO DE MILLER While in college at the University of Massachusetts, I had a group of friends who had a house way out in the boonies. My friend Matt, who lived there, was a huge pot-head. He often had advice to offer while on one of his stoner-rants and I'd like to take this opportunity to acknowledge a bit of his wisdom. I don't recall the exact year but it was most likely 2000 or 2001. Matt and his roommates were having a big party at their house in celebration of Cinco De Mayo. I arrived somewhat early to beat the crowd, and strolled through the door drinking my first Corona of the evening. As I entered the house, Matt was sitting in an easy chair facing the door and immediately began to berate me for my choice in beverages, "Corona? You can't drink Corona!" Before I could even open my mouth to argue, he continued, "You're Miller! You can't drink Corona!" It was Cinco De Mayo, I wanted to drink Corona. I would have to plead my case. "Dude, it's Cinco De Mayo, everyone drinks Corona." My logic seemed flawless. Matt didn't think so. "You're Miller, man! You shouldn't ever drink anything but Miller beer! You should make a suit out of nothing but Miller beer cans that says 'Miller' all over it," he continued, "Then you should get a big cooler full of Miller and stand in the middle of campus and shotgun beers and hand them out to people and shout 'Woo-hoo! It's Miller-time baby!'...I bet you'd get a commercial deal or something". I laughed, shrugged off the suggestion, and went in search of a lime to add to my corona. Thinking back on it now, it probably was a great idea. So, if you work for the Miller beer company and want to give me a commercial deal, you know where to find me. In the mean time, I'll start working on my beer-can suit. SHHHH BE VERY QUIET I'm hunting for the truth. You'll be able to check back later this week and see what I caught first hand. Until then, share the Spoon, share the truth. If you don't, who will?

Friday, June 16, 2006


STAY THE FARCE Here we go again. Today members of the GOP-led House passed a non-binding resolution that praises U.S. troops, labels the Iraq war part of the larger global fight against terrorism, and says an "arbitrary date for the withdrawal or redeployment" of troops is not in the national interest. Let's break this down. We need a resolution to praise troops? This went to a vote? Every last member of the House had better praise these troops that they sent to lose their lives in Iraq. Global fight against terrorism? George Bush is the biggest terrorist out there. The pot needs to stop calling the kettle black. If they made a deck of playing cards for world-wide terrorism (as we did for Iraq) and it went to a world vote, Dubya would be the Ace of Spades (or perhaps the Joker). The Republican stance on the war is the usual rhetoric, "stay the course". "Retreat is not an option in Iraq," declares House Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio. "Achieving victory is our only option, for the American people and our kids". If acting without rational thought had its own credo, it would surely be, stay the course. If you're driving down a road, and you find that the road is flooded out, and you stay the course (too stubborn to change direction), you're going to be swept away and drown. When you are already well on the road to disaster (as the U.S. led invasion of Iraq clearly is), staying the course does not signify strength, it highlights ignorance. With the upcoming elections, it gets even worse. Afraid that Republicans would use a vote against this latest measure to claim that they do not support U.S. troops, forty-two democrats broke ranks and voted with the Republicans to pass the measure (256-153). Let's clear something up for all of you idiots out there that can't figure this out on your own. Supporting U.S. troops, and supporting the war in Iraq are two TOTALLY separate things. I support U.S. troops. I support them living. I want every single one of them to come home safely before one more of them needlessly loses his or her life. I say needlessly because I do NOT support our troops being in Iraq. I support the troops and because I support the troops I say bring them home. For the GOP to say that anyone who wants a time-table for troop withdrawal is against the troops is a sham. They are not fighting for our freedom, if they were, they would be right here at home removing Bush and his goons from power before they shred the constitution any further. They are fighting to achieve the selfish agenda of the Bush regime to control Iraqi oil and to build military bases in Iraq to replace the ones we lost in Saudi Arabia. Period. It's time the Democrats stand up and make this clear. In case they need some help, I'll spell it out for them. "We are voting for a time-table for troop withdrawal because we, unlike the GOP, SUPPORT the troops. 2,500 U.S. soldiers have lost their lives. To stay the course is to condemn the lives of countless other soldiers. This war is wrong. To admit wrong-doing and stop it now shows that we are strong. To press forward shows we are mindless". If you Democrats really want to win back the House, grow a spine, take a stand, and people will follow you. I'll be leading the charge. JUDGE ROCKS LEGAL SYSTEM, PAPER AND SCISSORS FOLLOW SUIT Forget the old days of deciding a court debate with well thought out legal arguments. Last week in Tampa, Florida, a federal judge ordered lawyers to settle an argument over the location they should use to take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit, with a game of rock-paper-scissors. The winner would get to pick the location of the deposition. U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded both sides for the inability of opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of the lawsuit, and ordered them to meet at a neutral location at PM, June 30, to play a round of the hand-gesture game. "If they can't agree on the neutral location," he said, "they'll play on the steps of the federal courthouse". Is this really what our legal system has come to? Will the losing side object and attempt to bring in a paper expert to rebut the claim that paper can actually beat a rock? Or will they introduce a witness who tried to cut paper with finger-scissors and found that they are so dull, it made the task all but impossible? I wonder how the judge settled on the method of rock-paper-scissors, perhaps he spent sometime as a 1st grade teacher. Another judge might have opted for the equally fair method of "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Mo". How are we supposed to feel that the judges entrusted with interpreting the law and upholding our society, rely on the same methods of dispute resolution as a class of six year olds? What's next? Parents will have to play rock-paper-scissors for their children in child custody cases, or if a husband's rock beats his wife scissors he gets the car in their divorce? Watch out for those scissors everyone, our legal system's integrity is paper-thin. GOOD GAME EVERYONE, HIT THE SHOWERS Good job! You've made it through another work week and now, fresh off a Spoon, Full of Truth, to tide you over until next week, you're ready for the weekend! It's going to be a hot one here in Philadelphia this weekend, I'm going to try to keep my brain from frying, and work on some more brain food to expose you all to next week. Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


AS THE WORLD TURNS There is a lot going on around the world and here at home this week. Without spending too much time on any one subject, let's explore some of the stories making news this week. We'll also explore briefly some of the stories that should be making news, but are being swept under the rug. ROVE ROVE ROVE YOUR BOAT GENTLY OUT OF TROUBLE Karl Rove got some good news this week. Looks like he won't be getting sent up the river after all. As it turns out, revealing the name of a CIA agent for political reasons (during war time no less) isn't reason enough to charge anyone with a crime. That is, unless the person revealing names isn't a Bush supporter. I suppose next up we can expect the charges against Scooter Libby to be dropped, it's not like he lied about a blow-job. I'm sure Bush would have pardoned them both in two years anyway. PENALTY FOR REMOVING HELMET: 15 TEETH In football, a player is penalized fifteen yards for removing his helmet on the field. In Pennsylvania (my home State) there is no penalty for not wearing a helmet when riding a motorcycle, that is unless you crash. Ben Roethlesberger, quarterback of the Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers, was involved in a crash Monday morning in Pittsburgh while riding his motorcycle, he was not wearing a helmet. He suffered a broken nose, a broken jaw, several chipped or broken teeth, and a nine inch laceration to the back of his skull when his head hit the windshield of the car he collided with. My reaction? I hope not one single person feels even remotely bad for him. Motorcycles are dangerous enough but when you don't wear a helmet, you are asking for whatever head injuries you receive. I guess it just takes a great arm to win a Super Bowl. Evidently, brains aren't required. BLUE DEVIL BLEW SOBRIETY TEST J.J. Redick, the NCAA player of the year (in basketball) was arrested this morning for driving under the influence. I wonder if his one call was to Dick Vitale who couldn't go twenty seconds without mentioning Redick on television this year (even in games where Duke wasn't playing). He's lucky he didn't kill anyone. All I can say about J.J. is, he should be concentrating more on the NBA draft, and less on kicking back a few drafts before driving home. HURRICANES BRING HIGH WINDS AS STUPIDITY REIGNS It's that time of year again, hurricane season. The first storm of the season, Alberto, recently hit Florida and as I do at this time every year I wonder, why don't these people move? I'm sure Florida has redeeming qualities. Alligators, cockroaches, Jeb Bush as governor...what's not to like? Oh, and one other thing that never changes, Florida is right in the path of hurricanes. Knowing this, why would anyone want to live there? Every year on TV I see all of these people crying about how their house and all of their things was destroyed and the worst part is, they look surprised. News flash, it's going to happen again this year. If you're afraid of losing your home and all of your things (and possibly your life) I suggest you pack up and move somewhere else. This also applies to those of you living in denial atop the Earthquake fault lines in California or in the heart of Tornado Alley. BUSH DELIVERS LIES TO IRAQ HIMSELF Dubya made a surprise visit to Iraq this week to personally deliver a large shipment of bullshit. "I've come to not only look you in the eye. I've also come to tell you that when America gives its word, it keeps its word," Bush told Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. America sure does have a fine record of keeping its word. We told Iraq that we'd stay and help topple Saddam after the first Gulf War. How'd that turn out? We told the U.N. we were going into Iraq to find WMD's. Good thing we found so many of them. America doesn't even keep its word when it comes to saying that it keeps its word. "Good to see you," exclaimed al-Maliki as he met Bush. It seems that he, like Bush, enjoys telling a good lie. U.S. GETS REALITY CZECH IN WORLD CUP PLAY For those of you who haven't been following the 2006 World Cup, the United States caught a 3-0 beat down at the hands, no, feet, of the Czech Republic. For a team that was supposed to be ranked #5 in the World, this was an embarrassment. Sure, Americans might be good at American games like basketball, football, and baseball, but when are we going to step it up when it comes to the World's game, futbol? Billions of people around the world watch the World Cup. That makes the Super Bowl look like the pee-wee championship. Unlike the World Series, the World Cup is actually a game played by the entire World. When was the last time you saw the Yankees take on a team from Brazil or Italy in the fall classic? Hopefully, after our match with Italy on Saturday, we'll come out looking like a little more than just World class chumps. TO RAISE OR NOT TO RAISE, AS IF IT'S A QUESTION Despite record low approval ratings, on Tuesday, House lawmakers embraced a $3,300 pay raise that will increase their salaries to $168,500. The two percent "cost-of-living" raise would be the seventh straight for members of the House and Senate. Don't you wish that you and your co-workers voted on your own raises? Hmm, I wonder which way I would vote. Cost of living? It must be tough trying to make ends meet for these corporate cronies on Capital Hill. You'd figure that they made enough to cover their living expenses when they sold their souls to the highest bidder. If they really want to take a vote on raises, they should vote to raise their morals, commitment to the people, and follow through on promises made at election time. This is a joke. END OF THE LINE, ALL READERS MUST EXIT AT THIS STOP I hope you all enjoyed this brief look at some of the events taking place this week. For all of you Myspace fanatics out there, why not officially become friends with the Spoon, Full of Truth. You can view/add the profile at: www.myspace.com/spoonfulloftruth If time allows, there will be another truth-filled post for you all to take in on Friday. This message will self destruct in 30 seconds.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


THE FOLLOWING IS THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF MY GUEST COLUMN SEGMENT. THE VIEWS ARE THOSE OF THE WRITER AND NOT THOSE OF D. JACOB MILLER OR SPOON FULL OF TRUTH (ALTHOUGH I MIGHT AGREE WITH THEM). PLEASE ENJOY! CHECK BACK THIS WEEK FOR ANOTHER OFFICIAL SPOON, FULL OF TRUTH POST. She is blonde, shapely, and long legged with a knack for wearing short skirts. She is not quite as dumb as her opinions often make her appear. No, I am not talking about Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson. I am referring to Ann Coulter, who is laughing her head off on the way to the bank thanks to a public who cannot resist being fleeced. Ann, the neo-cons favorite bimbo and "political" pundit, is busy shamelessly promoting her latest book in an effort to cash in on the tragedy of 9/11 before the public loses all interest in the events of that day. Her supporters, who relish the claptrap she is out selling, are gobbling up copies faster than a speeding bullet fired by Dick Cheney at the face of a friend. That I can understand. They want raw meat. They want to see their political rivals mangled and mauled. The sad part is that some of the big bookstore chains and the TV talk shows are helping promote this shill (and con artist) sell even more copies of her book. Instead of focusing on important events like the war in Iraq or the turmoil in Somalia or global warning, or better yet promoting the book of an lesser known writer who really has something to add to the public discourse, the talk shows and bookstores are helping Annie fleece the public. Proving once again that sleaze sells.
I would urge you to let the major book chains know that they should avoid promoting a self promoter , who really doesn't need the help to sell her
venom . Likewise let the talk shows know that we don't need to see another shill trying to hype her book by making asinine statements that are designed to boost sales. We need to demand more from the major book chains and the TV talk shows. Give us real news and real opinions from responsible authors. Please no more from Ann, who if she was 50 years old and wore a house-dress would not even be of the slightest interest to talk shows or the major book chains.
--Jay Fanyal

Monday, June 05, 2006


PAT ROBERTSON GETS IT IN THE END It wasn't all that long ago that the loud-mouthed head of the 700 club, Pat Robertson, declared that god had sent hurricane Katrina to New Orleans to punish them for homosexual behavior that took place there (including the fact that it is the birth place of famous talk show host Ellen Degeneres who hosted last years Emmy awards). The 700 Club, a television program, is an outgrowth of a 1963 telethon in which founder Pat Robertson asked 700 viewers to join the “700 Club” by pledging $10 a month, money needed to meet CBN’s (Christian Broadcasting Network) monthly budget. 700 is also the combined IQ of all of Robertson's viewers. In a delicious twist of fate last week, a plane, owned by Robertson, crashed in Long Island Sound while flying through heavy fog. Sadly, Robertson was not aboard at the time (he was probably at home leg pressing 2,000 pounds on his weights as he also recently claimed he could do). While the technical cause of the crash is still under investigation, I believe I know what really brought the plane down. Pat Robertson is gay. Are we to believe that this fog was mere coincidence? After all, according to Mr. Robertson himself, if a hurricane (a force of nature) was caused by god as punishment, couldn't the same be said about thick fog? Dick Sawyer, who lives in the neighborhood, said, "You could barely see past your hand at the time. Five minutes later, the fog lifted just enough to reveal the jet in the water". The plane goes down and five minutes later the fog that caused it lifted? That has god written all over it. It would be wrong for me to blame god for this act without putting as much serious time and thought into it as Pat Robertson did before making his comments about Ellen and Katrina so in the interest of fairness and truth I will now do that (10 seconds elapse). Yes, Pat Robertson, like his crashed Learjet, is indeed flaming. GOP ENLISTS SIGFRIED AND ROY FOR HELP WITH A NEW GAY MAGIC TRICK Bring on the smoke and mirrors. That's right folks, the GOP will once again attempt to saw America in half. They don't need a pretty female assistant with a trick table and a saw. They have an even better new device, it's called the Gay Marriage Ban. Bush said Monday he is "proud to stand with" those who support a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. "Marriage between one man and one woman does a better job protecting children better than any other institution humankind has devised," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn. "As such, marriage as an institution should be protected, not redefined". Hmm, that's a strange comment coming from a guy who's helping to redefine the very party for which is Majority Leader. Let's quickly point out that defining marriage directly conflicts with the GOP's opposition to big government interference. Or, I should say, the original GOP. Who was it that talked about having a wall between church and state? Thomas Jefferson, founder of our country, Republican, and former President? But what the hell did that guy know? With Republican's once again focusing on the Gay Marriage Ban, attempting to divide the country instead of uniting it, they are also hoping that other legislation will slip under the radar. The mainstream media is much more likely to report on Gay Marriage Ban, and the GOP knows this; typical smoke and mirrors. So what else is being considered on Capital Hill these days? The Pentagon says it needs money, about $66 billion, right away or delays could begin to affect the conduct of the war in Iraq. Last I checked, we could use something to affect the conduct of the war in Iraq. The Senate added new relief for farmers and other aid to the package, swelling its cost to more than $100 billion. Bush stands firm that the price tag should stick within his $92.2 billion request, plus $2.3 billion to combat avian flu (which is probably just enough to cover white, christian, same-sex couples and their families). I'm sure Congress will push this bill right through. These clowns don't care how much money they waste, homosexuals are trying to marry each other, they need to focus on that. I'm surprised they haven't combined the two and proposed a gay-marriage tax. 80% of the total same-sex couple marital assets seems fair, right? At the same time, The House is expected to consider a $32 billion spending bill that would give the Homeland Security Department $1.8 billion more in 2007 than this year. It also is likely to send Dubya a Senate-approved bill to raise indecency fines tenfold, to $325,000 per violation, for television and radio broadcasters. I have a proposition, can we consider the lack of reporting from the major news outlets on the crimes of our government an indecency? Oh, you mean they only consider things that are offensive to christians who are trying to watch television or listen to radio without (god forbid) seeing a naked breast or hearing the word "fuck" as indecent? Does Homeland Security really need another $1.8 billion? I guess the price tag of illegal domestic spying has really skyrocketed in the past year. So, while the country bickers over whether two people who love each other and have every right to marry can actually do so, our government will really be up to a few more pressing issues like continuing to fund an unnecessary war, lining the pockets of the rich, keeping tabs on who everyone calls and what they talk about, and continuing its christian choke hold on the media. God Bless America. SPOON, FULL OF TRUTH, IS STRANGER THAN FICTION Last week I said that starting this week, the Spoon would be featuring not only the great TRUTH you have all come to rely on, but some fiction as well. As it turns out, that statement was indeed fiction itself. The fiction will be coming to the Spoon, but not this week. Recent events have once again proven that truth is often stranger than fiction (or if not at least a little more pressing). For this reason, I will need to fill the Spoon FULL of truth this week, leaving no room for anything else. Bear with me, it's going to be a interesting week as I touch on such topics as AIDS and 9/11. Come back soon, for more, of the Spoon.

Friday, June 02, 2006


US TROOPS TO RECEIVE ETHICS TRAINING Yesterday, the U.S. military ordered coalition troops in Iraq to undergo special training in ethics and "the values that separate us from our enemies". This move came in the wake of allegations that Marines killed two dozen unarmed civilians in Haditha. Who is the commander in chief of the U.S. military again? Oh that's right, the Connecticut cowboy, George W. Bush. George Bush ordering ethics training for U.S. troops is like Tommy Chong telling people that they shouldn't smoke pot. Ever hear of practice what you preach, Dubya? If we're going to give ethics training to the U.S. military, we need to start from the top, down. What values are you speaking of? "As military professionals, it is important that we take time to reflect on the values that separate us from our enemies," Lt. Gen. Peter Chiarelli, the No. 2 U.S. general in Iraq, said in a recent statement. "The challenge for us is to make sure the actions of a few do not tarnish the good work of the many." Let us not forget that this war was born of lies. Dubya lied to the American public and the rest of the world about our motives for going into Iraq in the first place. He took all of these low income young men and women who had joined the military to try to pay for college or have a better life, taught them that Iraqis had something to do with 9/11 (which he himself had more to do with than Iraq), gave them guns, and sent them to Iraq to wage war. The military isn't in Iraq to confiscate WMD's. They aren't over there protecting our freedoms, fighting so we can have a better life here in America. They are there so that the U.S. can take control of Iraq's oil and so that they can build new military bases there because we lost control of the ones in Saudi Arabia from the first Gulf war. While all of these kids (and many adults) are half a world away, fighting a pointless war, getting shot and blown up on a daily basis, of course some of them are going to snap. I don't condone their behavior, torturing prisoners at Abu Gharib was uncalled for, murdering of innocent Iraqis is no better than the killing of innocent Americans or anyone else, but I don't think it's an issue of ethics training. I think it's an issue of our President severely misusing his power to put of troops into a situation that they have no reason to be in. These soldiers of ours have been brainwashed to think that all Arabs are the enemy. They must hold the illusion that their presence in Iraq has a greater purpose than oil or they will lose their minds. When you see your fellow soldiers getting blown to pieces in front of you, no amount of ethics training is going to keep some people from snapping. What we need is some ethics training for our President and our leaders in Congress who got us into this mess in the first place. We need our military to be led by example. Right now, the only example they have is the joke of a President who won the last two elections by having them fixed. How ethical is that? For an interesting story on election fixing, check this out: http://www.buzzflash.com/contributors/06/06/con06219.html
(PEDA)PHILE THIS UNDER CREEPY I took a trip to Amsterdam in 2001 and loved it there. There were beautiful canals, stunning works of art in many museums, beautiful architecture, and of course legalized marijuana. In addition to legalized prostitution, a new Dutch political party, the Charity, Freedom and Diversity Party is trying to legalize pedophilia. That's right, this new party, founded by pedophiles, is running on the campaign platform of lowering the age of sexual consent from sixteen to twelve years old. "Forbidding children from sex only makes them more curious," party president Martijn Uittenbogaard told The Associated Press. Although he also acknowledged his ideas are loathed by most Dutch people. The CFD party also endorses broadcasting pornographic material on daytime television, and allowing children as young as 12 to feature in porn films. Think they've tapped Michael Jackson for campaign contributions yet? What platforms will people run on next? Mandatory diets for fat folks? Allowing sex with animals? Higher taxes for ugly people? I guess it's only a matter of time. What is the voting age in Amsterdam anyway? It's a little strange that they want children to be able to have sex with adults when they aren't even old enough to vote for them. I guess you could vote for worse things than the CFD Party, one of them is currently President of the United States. READY? SET? WEEKEND! That's all for this week loyal readers. Everyone enjoy the weekend, kick back and relax a little. I'll be waiting to greet you at the beginning of the work week with another Spoon, Full of Truth. Check out the review section for a little info on Al Gore's new documentary on global warming (the review button is on the right-hand side by the archives).